activité de suivi pour mes élèves: outils, conseils, recaps, quelques blagues...
7 Novembre 2018
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In this animation, we examine the phrase, "You are what you eat". It's a phrase used around the world and throughout history, but how much scientific truth is there to back this statement up? ...
Oral comprehension
PLACES AND FORMS OF POWER
Topic Healthy Food Vs Unhealthy Food
words public health - business / trade -environment -
linguistics past and present - used to - modals with should and ought to
skills speaking + understanding
Final task
Have your say! Be ready to deliver a speech that will be filmed to present the perfect diet to be healthy and fit.
- Dropping Litter / Behaviours poster: an awareness campaign against those who litter the streets (young and uneducated people throwing away their litter on the streets)
-Mac Donald's poster (MacDonald seen by Norman Rockwell, when it was created)
-We are not nuggets very recent poster published by peta2.com (a campaign to awareness of animal welfare)
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Hungry Planet: What The World Eats
American photographer Peter Menzel and writer Faith D'Aluisio have traveled the world documenting that most basic of human behaviors-what we eat. Their project, "Hungry Planet,"…
Student Mind Map Examples Mind Map Template Blank Mind Map Creative Simple Mind Map Mind Map Template for Word Creating a Mind Map Template Printable Mind Maps Create a Mind Map Design Mind Map ...
fruit
fish
cooking ingredients
bread, cakes
breakfast food
snacks
to work up an appetite: to do physical work that leads to you becoming hungry
Find the words after we were given the definitions.
1/ selection of food: ...........?
2/ milk, cheese and other milk products: .........................................?
3/ one of various types of grass that produce grains that can be eaten or are used to make flour or bread:............................?
4/ chickens, ducks and geese, kept for their meat or eggs: ................?
5/ having a pleasant taste or smell: ...................?
6/ The part of food that helps to keep a person healthy by keeping the bowels working and moving other food quickly through the body: ...............?
7/ a ...................................... diet (= one with the quantity and variety of food needed for good health)
8/a metal container in which food and drink is sold: ....................................?
9/ having little or no flavour: ...............................................?
10/ fit or suitable to be eaten; not poisonous: ..............................?
ANSWERS
1: diet
2: Balanced
3: Order a meal
4/ poultry
5: waste
6: takeway
7: Whole seeds
8: Packaging
9: savoury
10: edible
"Mac donald" by Norman Rockwell - Bing images
Norman Rockwell Paintings Norman Rockwell Prints Norman Rockwell Most Famous Painting Norman Rockwell Self Portrait Norman Rockwell Christmas Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving Norman Rockwell Art Thomas
Norman Percevel Rockwell (February 3, 1894 – November 8, 1978) was an American author, painter and illustrator. His works have a broad popular appeal in the United States for their reflection of American culture. Rockwell is most famous for the cover illustrations of everyday life
Norman Rockwell was a prolific artist, producing more than 4,000 original works in his lifetime. Most of his works are either in public collections, or have been destroyed in fire or other misfortunes. Rockwell was also commissioned to illustrate more than 40 books, including Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn as well as painting the portraits for Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, and Nixon, as well as those of foreign figures
Rockwell's work was dismissed by serious art critics in his lifetime.[6] Many of his works appear overly sweet in the opinion of modern critics,[7]especially the Saturday Evening Post covers, which tend toward idealistic or sentimentalized portrayals of American life.
In his later years, however, Rockwell began receiving more attention as a painter when he chose more serious subjects such as the series on racism for Look magazine.[9] One example of this more serious work is The Problem We All Live With, which dealt with the issue of school racial integration. The painting depicts a young black girl, Ruby Bridges, flanked by white federal marshals, walking to school past a wall defaced by racist graffiti.[10] This painting was displayed in the White House when Bridges met with President Obama in 2011.[11]
_____________________________________ANALYSIS________________________________________
MacDonald
First look (global comprehension)
what? (nature of the document? source? Topic?)
where? (location)
when? (possible date)
Why? (aim/purpose of the document)
Who is it for? (target: who is this document aimed at)
The document is a painting by Norman Rockwell, a well-known American artist who used to paint everyday life scenes.
From the look of it, you could think it is an advertisement because it shows an idealised scene at MacDonald's
It is set in the USA, the precise location does not need to be pointed out = it suggests it's obviously part of the American way of life
From the design of the waiter's cap, we can guess it refers to the forties, or early 50s at the beginning of McDonald.
Either this work was ordered by the MacDo fast-food chain of the time to help them become known and popular / to attract people / to seem appealing to potential customers, families and youngsters
or the topic was picked by the artist as a testimony of a phenomenon: a concept that revolutionised / completely change the ways people's habits.
Second look: picture in details
outstanding: feeling of happiness /enjoyment/ delight
children and parents very close to the waiter and waitress = eager to order and trustful = the place to be
very light colours = everything is well
drinks in the middle = the focus of all desires
Personal point of view
It's an idealised vision of the American way of life : a sort of paradise where waiters are like family (body proximity)
Nowadays, such show of blissful excitement on an outing at the local Macdonald's would probably be over exaggerated, although young people and families are still the main customers.
It seems the recipe still works wonders for their owners. This fast-food chain has turned global .
After watching "supersize me", I wouldn't dream setting foot in this kind of place.
______________________________________________________________________________
NUGGET
First look (global comprehension)
what? (nature of the document? source? Topic?)
where? (location)
when? (possible date)
Why? (aim/purpose of the document)
Who is it for? (target: who is this document aimed at)
Second look: picture in details
Personal point of view
Our document is an ad / advertisement. It comes from the internet as we can immediately identify the source with "PETA2.com". It deals with animal welfare. The organisation is international and their ultimate goal is to prevent cruelty to animals. Children and teenagers, who are particularly fond of nuggets are targeted here as the consumers.
We can see four chicks in the foreground, with others behind them.
How cute these chicks are! They look so soft, so vulnerable / fragile / defenceless with their eyes wide open! When you look at them you want to take them in your arms / to stroke them / to cuddle them.
Both the ground and the background are yellow. We can’t help noticing the catchphrase, right in the centre, it is written in white and the word nuggets stands out against the background. “We are not nuggets!” Under the birds, there is a subheading: “Please don’t eat us. Vegetarians save 95 lives a year. Go vegetarian–for yourself, for the planet, and for animals!” At the bottom, you can find where to contact this organization on the web.
This campaign is shocking because baby chicks are not full-sized chickens yet. Besides, The animals are looking directly at the viewer to appeal to our pity. They are begging for mercy. They are looking at us to make us share their feelings and their emotions.
The advertisers use / resort to shock tactics.
The goal is to prevent / stop / keep / deter us from eating meat, or to talk us out of eating meat.
They urge us to stop eating chicken nuggets. To advocate vegetarianism, they appeal to our pity. The message is humorous and surprising. It is meant to shock the viewer and make him / her feel revolted by the slaughter of animals, make him / her feel responsible for the plight of animals and their suffering, to make viewers feel pity and compassion, feel guilty, outraged. It is meant to shock the viewer into awareness. Advertisers want to make the viewer realize his / her mistake, and broaden the situation to all animals. The goal of this campaign is to make people change their eating habits and become vegetarians. By showing that any meat produced comes from an animal that once was a youngster, the campaigners want to shock meat consumers, especially nugget fans.
I find this poster brilliant because it works on the viewers’ sensitivity. No one would think of eating baby chicks, or puppies, or kittens. And yet, we do eat very young animals: Lambs and calves go to the slaughterhouse
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Almost all of us grew up eating meat, wearing leather, and going to circuses and zoos. We never considered the impact of these actions on the animals involved. For whatever reason, you are now ...
LITTER
First look (global comprehension)
what? (nature of the document? source? Topic?)
where? (location)
when? (possible date)
Why? (aim/purpose of the document)
Who is it for? (target: who is this document aimed at)
Second look: picture in details
outstanding: LITTER in capital letters
cool guy with an ugly nose = contrast = meaningful
garbage on a bin just / right behind the guy = he's left it there = too lazy / uneducated
= offensive / disrespectful behaviour
Personal point of view
aware => I can see garbage everywhere / people throwing their trash in the wild
Shocked: lack of education and information
disgusted / angry
effective campaign = makes fun of / put shame on these people / point this kind of behaviour
The document is a picture. It was taken from the website "dirtypig.org"
It deals with street food and waste.
The scene takes place in England: there a "Fish & Chips sign on the street and also a slogan that reads, "Keep Britain tidy".
a logo stands next to the slogan: it represents a man putting his trash into a bin.
We come to the conclusion that this document has been designed to make people aware of unacceptable/ offensive / unwanted/ objectionable behaviours.
But who is it aimed at?
An awareness campaign always has a target.
It is probably aimed at teenagers as the only character on the picture is youngster/ juvenile / youth / a young man. He is wearing a hooded sweatshirt / casual clothes.
We are immediately struck by his nose. It looks very much like a pig’s nose. His human nose has been turned into a pig’s snout.
We also immediately notice the word litter in capital letters in the catchphrase.
The boy looks handsome yet he behaves like a pig because he has just thrown out / left his fish and chips wrapper / container on the trash can / bin instead of dumping it inside.
It right behind him. It is clear he is walking away after a quick snack and what's more, he doesn't seem to care at all.
His attitude echoes the catchphrase “what does dropping LITTER make you look like?”
that stands in the top left-hand side corner.
The neighbours of the local fish-and-chip takeaway must be plagued by litter thrown by the customers.
I am aware of this problem/issue because I often see rubbish / litter / garbage everywhere. Some people throw their greasy papers and paper cups behind and they don’t give a damn / give it a second thought. It's disgusting/revolting/depressing
Yet, some people help clean after those pigs.
I think this campaign is effective because this photo is both funny and shocking. You can’t help but noticing the boy’s nose. It is based on the contrast between the casual look of this teenager and his ugly nose.
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Super Size Me (2004) | WatchDocumentaries.com
Morgan Spurlock goes on a 30 day diet, eating only food from McDonald's. The film covers the effects on his physical & psychological health, the influence of the fast food industry and how it ...
I wonder if my question is good and what I CAN do to improve it. (indirect question= S + VB )
Here it is : What consequences have the influence of our diet ?
The plan would be : 1-how our diet is influenced
Documents : 1- àthe pictures with mcdonald, the nuggets and litter : influence of the media
àPictures of the families of different countrie : influence of the culture/governement
2- àInterview of sir Julian Barnes : consequences on our body
Thanks to your plan, I could understand the question which needs to be rephrased.
____________________________________________________________________________
DEAR N
Dear Nathan,
- Behaviours (young and uneducated people throwing away their litter on the streets)
-Fast food (MacDonald seen by Norman Rockwell, when it was created)
-We are not nuggets (awareness of animal welfare)
THE MACDONALD BROTHERS
By the end of the 1940s the McDonald brothers had grown dissatisfied with the drive-in business(...)
The brothers thought about selling the restaurant. Instead they tried something new. The MacDonalds fired all their Carhops in 1948, closed their restaurant, installed larger grills, and reopened three months later with a radically new method of preparing food.
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b.Work organization: “a radically new method of preparing food.” (l. 5) “The new division of labor meant that a worker only had to be taught how to perform one task.” (l. 15)
Menu: “eliminated almost two-thirds of the items of their old menu.” (l. 7) “All of the burgers were sold with the same condiments: ketchup, onions, mustard, and two pickles.” (l. 19) “The only sandwiches now sold were hamburgers or cheeseburgers.” (l. 8)
Food preparation: “They divided the food preparation into separate tasks performed by different workers.” (. 10) “To fill a typical order, one person grilled the hamburger; another ‘dressed’ and wrapped it; another prepared the milk shake; another made the fries; and another worked the counter.” (l. 11) “For the first time, the guiding principles of a factory assembly line were applied to a commercial kitchen.” (l. 14)
Type of service: “They got rid of everything that had to be eaten with a knife, spoon or fork.” (l. 7) “The brothers got rid of their dishes and glassware, replacing them with paper cups, paper bags, and paper plates.” (l. 9)
Staff: “The new division of labor meant that a worker only had to be taught how to perform one task.” (l. 15)
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c. “Skilled and expensive short-order cooks were no longer necessary.” (l. 17)
“The new division of labor meant that a worker only had to be taught how to perform one task.” (l. 25)
It reminds me of standardization, of Taylorism. Indeed, the system devised by the McDonald brothers is a rational and efficient system, every stage in the preparation of food is meant to minimize time. A large amount of food is delivered to the customer in a short amount of time. Workers have to work fast. Their tasks are highly repetitive, and predictable. “McDonaldization” is based on the same principles as Taylorism. Scientific management, also called Taylorism, which was a theory of management developed in the 1880s and 1890s within the manufacturing industries. It analyzed and synthesized workflow. Its main objective was improving economic efficiency, especially labor productivity in the industry.
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Part 2
Script A WORRYING TREND
➼ Part 1
Journalist: It’s 7 o’clock and I’m Rupert Clarks on BBC World Service News. First up, a new report on global obesity trends has uncovered some shocking results: It shows that in 2005, 1.6 billion adults worldwide were overweight, and this figure looks set to increase to 2.3 billion by 2015, and 3.3 by 2030. Around 80% of those suffering from obesity come from developing countries, where this issue was non-existent two generations ago. I have with me in the studio Sir John Barnes, chairman of the WHO, the World Health Organization, to tell us more about these findings. Good evening, Sir! Sir John Barnes: Good evening!
➼ Part 2
Journalist: These figures are certainly alarming. Sir John Barnes: Yes, and we must remember that developed countries are still very much at risk. For instance our recent survey also shows that 72% of Australians aged over 25 may have a weight problem later in life. But there is also a dramatic increase in obesity in developing countries. 80% of overweight adults come from emerging powers such as China and India. We found that in South America, North Africa, India and China the problem tends to be that the population suffers from malnutrition and an excessive amount of poor quality food far more than hunger. Surprisingly, Mexico is second on the list of child obesity, just after the USA. And if you take China, there are 90 million obese and 200 million overweight young adults, especially in urban areas. This marks a 156% growth between 1996 and 2006. Journalist: So if I understand you correctly, obesity has now become a worldwide problem?
The new report on obesity is alarming / shocking because it reveals an 80% / dramatic increase in obesity in developing / emerging countries. Developed countries such as Australia and the USA are still very much at risk. But the majority of overweight adults come from emerging countries such as China and India. These people are at risk.
In the past, the WHO’s missions were focused on hunger and starvation rather than obesity. Yet this priority is changing and obesity has become a worldwide issue.
➼ Part 3
Sir John Barnes: Absolutely. In the old days, the WHO used to focus on hunger. It seemed inappropriate to warn the leaders of the world about obesity when so many people were dying of starvation or had limited access to food supplies. But this is definitely changing. Obesity is now a serious cause of concern for public health worldwide.
➼ Part 4
Journalist: What explains this new trend? Sir John Barnes: It’s very simple. With city life and relative economic stability, people change their diet and exercise less than their parents, who used to lead a tough, active rural life. In other words, they eat less rice, less vegetables, beans and fish and have more meat, more processed food, and far too much fat and sugar on the whole. Journalist: So the poorer you are, the leaner! The wealthier you get, the fatter! It sounds appalling. Sir John Barnes: It does. We often say: “Underfed mother in the country, obese child in the city.” Our new mission is to teach these people how to have a balanced diet and not to turn their backs on old recipes and wise habits. Journalist: Well, thank you so much, Sir.
List documents U R what U eat
DOCUMENTS
- Behaviours (young and uneducated people throwing away their litter on the streets)
-Fast food (MacDonald seen by Norman Rockwell, when it was created)
-We are not nuggets (awareness of animal welfare)
Problématiques / Questions
Notion : places and forms of power
topic "You are what you eat"
Comment trouver une problématique à partir d'un sujet ?
Quand on problématise sans le savoir...
Elaborer une problématique peut se faire de manière plus ou moins consciente et plus ou moins spontanée. Dans la communication de tous les jours, beaucoup de questions comportent des problématiques implicites que l'on perçoit grâce au contexte et aux aspects non verbaux de la communication.
Si Paul demande à Virginie "veux-tu aller au cinéma ce soir ?", elle peut s'interroger :
La problématique pertinente est alors "Est-ce que je veux sortir avec Paul ?".
C'est en cela que la problématique met en avant les enjeux d'un sujet.
Pour trouver une problématique:
Lorsque l'on est confronté à un sujet "sec" (sans sourire appuyé trahissant des intentions coupables), on peut analyser le sujet en détail pour trouver la problématique.
Définir les termes
Le sujet change-t-il si on omet un mot ? Dans quel sens ? Peut-on trouver des liens logiques entre les termes ? (causalité, opposition...), Dériver les mots (par rapport au sens commun et par rapport à la discipline), Décliner les mots (par rapport au sens commun et par rapport à la discipline). Trouver des concepts associés
➙ Croiser les mots associés (juxtaposition) ➙ mise en relation par des opérateurs logiques sous forme
interrogative ou (alternative), car (causalité), donc (conséquence), mais (opposition), égal (identité)
Est-ce une bonne problématique ?
Affiner sa problématique
DS: ESSAY discussion/dissertation à l'écrit en vue de préparer la présentation orale type bac sur le sujet "You are what you eat" dans le cadre de la notion "Places and Forms of Power".
1. INTRODUCTION
-notion
-définition
-thème "you are what you eat"
-problématique (à trouver sans tomber dans le hors sujet, voir fiche méthodologique "comment trouver une problématique")
-axes de réflexion
-pour chaque partie (axe), annonce des documents utilisés pour venir étayer votre argumentation. Utiliser 2 ou 3 documents par partie
2. DEVELOPPEMENT
-les idées doivent être soutenues par les documents étudiés en notant les références précises: ex: Hungry planet: What the World Eats, article and slideshow published by the English Newspaper "The Time" on the Web
- 2 à 3 documents évoqués (idées choisies) par partie
- Le début du paragraphe = idée principale qui va être développée
- ce n'est pas une simple énumération de faits, cela doit chercher à répondre en la question selon un axe de réflexion
3. Conclusion
-Elle doit répondre clairement à votre introduction. C'est le point d'aboutissement de votre réflexion pour répondre à votre question grâce à votre développement, en apportant un éclairage pertinent sur le problème évoqué.
-Élargir la discussion vers un nouvel aspect, une nouvelle idée.
CONSEILS :
-Lire des devoirs corrigés sur le blog
-bien relire et lister les idées des documents abordés en cours
-suivre les conseils méthodologiques pour construire votre travail
-Ce n'est pas une simple répétition, mais une synthèse. Comme dans la fin d'une histoire, c'est le point de chute et grâce à elle, on mesure le chemin parcouru
-vérifier la problématique et les 2 parties qui en découlent logiquement pour la traiter
1/ annonce de la notion
2/ la définir
👤 B's question:
Bonjour Madame F,
🎓Teacher's answer
Good evening dear B,
1/ annonce de la notion
2/ la définir
ESSAYS
18/20
traitement du sujet : 5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 4
correction de la langue 4.5
richesse de la langue 4.5
but/ WHILE
big /large
even if= even though
consumER society
consumption
worldwide
Taylorism haS become something viral and haS revolutionized
WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT the notion of “Places and Forms of Power”. The power is the control (or the influence) someone can use on someone or something else. It is exerted in some places like the White House or 10 Downing Street. It takes different forms such as politics, military and economY.
TO DEAL WITH THIS NOTION, I HAVE CHOSEN THE PROVERBIAL PHRASE“We are what we eat”, WHICH is used all over the world; it can be referred to THE NOTION OF POWER BECAUSE ....
So, we may wonder to what extent our background determines us.
First, we will see how our diet is MAY BE influenced ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
and in a second time PART, we will TRY TO see the consequences it has. ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
Every day, our food habits are conditioned by several factors like our social condition BACKGROUND, the government or the media.
IF YOU CAN PROVE THIS VERY STRONG CLAIM HERE WITH A REFERENCE IT WOULD BE MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE AND CONSISTENT. OTHERWISE, IT MAY PASS FOR A SUPERFICIAL PERSONAL OPINION
Our background and actual life are strongly influencing our diet; we can see it in the document “Hungry Planet: What the World Eats". DO NOT HESITATE TO PROVIDE THE SOURCE (The Time, an English newspaper) and the date
It is composed of pictureS of families of the entire World with their food for a week. We can see big / CONSIDERABLE / SERIOUS/ IMPORTANT differences between each family: in the USA, they eat quite unhealthy and processed food but / WHILE in Mexico they eat a lot of vegetables even if/though they drink LOTS OF coke. It shows that depending on the culture of your country, your traditions and your resources, your food habits will be influenced. YES
The average Americans, subjectED to advertisements and lobbying, eat crappy and industrial food whereas the average Mexicans, less impacted by media and poorer, eat healthier food.
Mexico is N°1 for child obesity though according to the WHO. How do you explain it?
Because of the globalization, media have a big impact on the WORLD population and therefore, on their alimentation. For example, in the drawing done by Norman Rockwell AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MACDONALD PHENOMENON
(a popular illustrator known for his life scenes’ paints) à garder pour l'entretien oral le jour du bac, où l'on risque bien de te demander ce que tu connais de cet artiste que tu cites.
, we CAN see a waiter giving food to children with their parents that AND THEY ALL all seems OVERjoyfulED to eat a MacDonald menu BE THERE (ainsi tu évites la répétition).
It shows that fast foodS and the consumER society inspired by the Taylorism, the scientific optimisation of work which implies chain work invented by Ford,
là, idem, tu aurais pu garder cette cartouche pour l'oral: juste évoquer la référence (excellent) et être prêt à dégainer tes explications si on te demande d'expliquer ce concept
PAR CONTRE, évite les parenthèses dans tes devoirs en anglais (c'est trèèèèès rare) et je te le conseille aussi en français, il y a toujours trop d'abus de ce côté. Je sais, on est toujours tentés, je suis passée par là... mais voilà!
haS become something viral and haS revolutionized the way middle-class feed. It is probably PRUDENCE, on en sait rien = it may be / it COULD HAVE BEEN
an advertisement paid by MacDonald to encourage people to eat in their restaurants.
(je pense plutôt que Rockwell a été témoin de l'essor et du changement incroyable de ce type de restaurant, et il a immortalisé la scène de façon symbolique= enchantement de la classe ouvrière qui a accès à la restauration en famille grâce au prix e revient très bas; il faut replacer en contexte)
Ce n'est pas l'illustration qui montre que l'alimentation rapide avec des chaines telles que macdo est devenue globale.
Ici tu devrais plutôt évoquer l'émission de la BBC "A Worrying Trend, Obesity", en ciblant certains passages.
So, globalization has changed the DIET of MOST people ON THE PLANET and impactED it with more power than their GEOGRAPHICAL localisation or their traditions, AS junk food has become a culture in its own right.
But this new diet / WAY OF LIFE has terrible consequences at a time BOTH on our body and at the same time on our planet.
It impacts our way of life negatively, as it is said in “A Worrying Trend” obesity has become a worldwide problem, whereas while it used to be hunger before. In 2005, there were 1.6 billion overweight adults, in 2015 this number rose to 2.3 billion and it could reach 3.3 billion in 2030. The poor quality of food is one of the major reasons of it, especially in emerging countries such as China where there are 19 million obese PEOPLE and 200 million overweight young adults; or Mexico which is the second country in child obesity just after USA. It can be explained by the new city life: people do less exercise and eat more processed food than when they had a rural life. This trend is alarming because as we can see in “Supersize Me”, a documentary of Morgan Spurlock where he ate only MacDonald for one month; it is really dangerous for your health to eat in fast food. He gained 11 kilograms and had many problems such as heart palpitation or depression that could be deadly to him. So, this new DIET has dire consequences on your body.
It has also consequences on the environment, with the deforestation of the Amazon forest caused by cattle farming among others and on animals that we kill. In the picture “We are not nuggets” we can see three chicks with “We are not nuggets” and “Vegetarians save 95 lives a year. Go vegetarian – for yourself, for the planet, and for animals!” written. It warns us on the cruelty of killing animals for our pleasure when we can do without.
So, we may wonder to what extent our background determines us.
To conclude, our background, traditions, country and mostly globalization influence our diet and doing this; SO, IT DEFINITELY determines us . If you have a city life with an unhealthy diet then, you may have weight problems and at the opposite, you will be in good health if you do exercise and have a balanced diet.
Ok la conclu répond à la question. De la même façon que l'intro est importante et doit être travaillée, il faut trouver les formes pour ta conclusion de façon à ce qu'lle soit moins abrupte et parvienne à mieux cristalliser les éléments de réponses
En gros, en lisant ta conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire ton développement pour avoir ma réponse : c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée: une synthèse intéressante. De plus tu dois parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit ta réflexion vers un autre angle
(conclu= du particulier au général...)
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
14.5/20
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
I’m going to talk about the notion “Places and forms of power”. Places means a lot of area as the White House, Buckingham Palace, a school, and so on. Forms means lot of things too like the religion, politics or economy. And the power significate the control and influence of something or someone. Our topics is the phrase “You are what you eat.”. But, how does our food habits influence our life ? First, it is depending of where you live, we will see the food habits in several countries around the world. And then, our way of life can change our diet with the fast-food (Mcdonalds, for example).
First, let’s talk about the food habits around the world, with the document “Hungry planet : What the world eat.” by time.com. On this we can see the difference between a developed country and a in development country (USA vs Chad, for example). In the USA, a mid-class family spend $341,98 for a week and four persons, in contrary, a six people family spend $1,23 for a week in Chad. This is 300 times less than in the USA. In the american family, we can see on the table, a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
Let us now move on the second part, which is, as I said earlier, the way of life can change our diet. Everyone work, and must be faster than ever. The people are push every time, they are stress. This is why people don’t have anytime to cook, it generalize the fast-food (Subway, Mcdonalds, KFC)or the manufactured food. All of this are unhealthy, we don’t know all the ingredient. The malnutrition make the obesity progress in countries where the fast-food are developed, for example in the USA, two adults on five are suffering from the obesity. In Chad, a in development country, only one adult on twenty is suffering from obesity. This is because, it’s one of the poorest country in the world.
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
Clément Audoin
1SSI-SVT
éviter de commencer des phrases par "but" et "and"
réfléchir à une formulation qui t'évite les répétitions:
In the american family, we can see on the table, we can see a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. YES There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
rappel : il y a aussi des outils très pratiques : les synonymes ou encore les reprises par pronoms
https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/food?s=t
depend ON
ponctuation ex : On this,...
vocabulaire de leçon à vérifier:
> a in developmentING country
> ON THE contrary, ....
midclass = peut-être plus informel que middle class
american ORTHOGRAPHE DE BASE
> The people are pushED every time / People are conditioned to do more and more things in a reduced amount of time
> every time : à chaque fois // all the time = tout le temps
> Il faut vérifier les mots avec le dictionnaire WORDREF, chercher des synonumes avec Thesaurus
> anytime = any time
penser à faciliter la lecture: mettre en exergue (alinéas ou retour à la ligne)
they are stressED / The people are pushED : passif = be + VBed
it is dependingS of ON where you live : c'est en train de dépendre de l'endroit où vous vivez?
it generalizeS
All of this are
malnutrition makeS
je parle de quelque chose de façon générale = ARTICLE ZERO = PAS D'ARTICLE
The malnutrition
The malnutrition makeS the obesity progress
VS
The Africa malnutrition Report = cela fait référence à un cas précis, une enquête (exemple p^ché sur internet avec une enquête de WHO)
the food are => the food est singulier / il faut réviser tes conjugaisons (simples en anglais)
Ta conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir ta réflexion en fournissant la réponse à ta question de départ de façon plus riche.
En gros, en lisant ta conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire ton développement pour avoir ma réponse: c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée. De plus tu dois parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit ta réflexion vers un autre angle
I’m going to talk about the notion “Places and forms of power”. Places means a lot of areaS as the White House, Buckingham Palace, a school, and so on. Forms means lotS of things too like the religion, politics or economy. ( ESSAIE DE MIEUX FORMULER)And the power significates the control and influence of something or someone. idem : pourquoi ne pas annoncer franchement ce que cela veut dire par exemple?
Our topics pourquoi pluriel? is the phrase “You are what you eat.”. But, how does our food habits influence our life ? First, it is dependingS of ON where you live, we will see the food habits in several countries around the world.
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
And then, our way of life can change our diet with the fast-food (Mcdonalds, for example).
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
First, let’s talk about the food habits around the world, with the document “Hungry planet : What the world eat.” by time.com. On this we can see the difference between a developed country and a in developmentING country (USA vs Chad, for example). In the USA, a mid-class family OF FOUR PEOPLE spendS $341,98 for a week and four persons,
CE GENRE DE MALADRESSE PEUT ÊTRE ÉVITÉE PAR LA RELECTURE
in contrary, a six-people family spendS $1,23 for a week in Chad. This is 300 times less than in the USA.
This must be qualified (nuancé): indeed, in developed countries, the standards of living are higher just like the salaries and the prices (said in class)
In the american family, we can see on the table,= ON THE FOOD OF AN AMERICAN FAMILY, we can see a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. YES There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
WHAT CONCLUSIONS DO YOU DRAW (KEEP YOUR QUESTION IN MIND)?
ta problématique: how does our food habits influence our life ?
quels éléments de réponses apportes-tu avec cette 1ère partie??
Let us now move on TO the second part, which is, as I said earlier, ABOUT the way of life THAT can change our diet.
Everyone work, and must be faster than ever. The people are pushED every time, they are stressED . This is why people don’t have any time to cook, it generalizeS / GENERATES the fast-food WAY OF LIVING WITH BRANDS SUCH AS "Subway", "Mcdonald's", "KFC" TO NAME A FEWor the CONSUMPTION OF manufactured food. All of this are IS unhealthy, we don’t know ANYTHING ABOUT all the ingredients THAT ARE USED TO PRODUCE THESE KINDS OF PRODUCTS . The malnutrition makeS the obesity progress in countries where the fast-foodS are developed/ ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY NUMEROUS, for example in the USA, two adults on five are suffering from the obesity.
DANS TON DOCUMENT " a hungry planet" IL EST DIT QUE LES USA ONT LE RECORD MONDIAL D'OBESITE POUR LES ENFANTS (avec le Mexique)
In Chad, a in development country, only one adult on OUT OF twenty is suffering from obesity. This is because, it’s one of the poorest country in the world. NO, it's because of the proliferation of sodas and sweets => importation / business to the detriment of the population
DANS TON DOCUMENT " a hungry planet" IL EST DIT QUE LES USA ONT LE RECORD MONDIAL D'OBESITE POUR LES ENFANTS (avec le Mexique)
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
question et conclusion mises bout à bout:
How does our food habits influence our life ?
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
ta conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir ta réflexion en fournissant la réponse à ta question de départ de façon plus riche.
en gros, en lisant ta conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire ton développement pour avoir ma réponse: c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée. De plus tu dois parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit ta réflexion vers un autre angle
____________________________________________________________________________________
Dissertation
17/20
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 4
correction de la langue 4.5
richesse de la langue 4.5
Il faut impérativement annoncer les documents qui vont étayer ta réflexion à la suite de l'annonce de chaque partie
C'est bien, tu les as systématiquement évoqués pour les idées de tes parties, tu as bien compris qu'il fallait utiliser les documents comme support de réflexion!
N'hésite pas à ajouter la nature, la source, la date de parution de ta source, car cela permet à ton lecteur de mieux comprendre le contexte: ce sont des clés. C'est juste une habitude à prendre, après cela devient un automatisme :)
En fait, tu dois toujours faire comme si je n'avais pas étudié avec toi ce sujet et ces documents: je suis comme un lecteur "extérieur", si tu vois ce que je veux dire
CONCLUSION à améliorer, c'est ce le maillon faible de ce devoir
🔑 Essaie de faire une boucle avec ta problématique, enrichis et élargis.
Ici ta conclusion est "dull" (ennuyeuse) elle n'apporte rien. Or la conclusion, c'est un peu ta chute, non? Elle est auusi importante que l'intro.
Imagine la conclusion comme la fin d'un film... Cela te fera comprendre ce qu'il faut arriver à faire.
C'est toujours une histoire que l'on raconte au fond....!
italian > Italian
I am going to talk about the notion “Places and Forms of Power”. The power is the control or the influence that someone can use on someone or something. It is exerted in different places, for example The White House or Ten Downing Street, and it can take different forms such as politics, military and economic. The topic is “You are what you eat”.
We can MAY wonder how our living space can influenceS our nutrition.
in a first part, We will see THAT the wealth of A countrY influenceS our DIET.
In a second part, we will see that the traditions of A countrY influenceS our alimentation.
Il faut impérativement annoncer les documents qui vont étayer ta réflexion à la suite de l'annonce de chaque partie
First of all, the wealth of the country where we live influence our nutrition. People of the poor countries eat what they farm most of the time whereas people of the more developPED country will eat the products that they buy in AT the supermarket. With the document “Hungry Planet : What The World Eats” we can see this difference. For example, we will compare a family from United States and TO another from Ecuador : the family from United States expenses SPENDS $159.18 ON THEIR FOOD for one week. Their favoUrite foods are beef stew, berry yogurt sundae, clam chowder and ice cream. On the picture, we can see a lot of products which are packAGEDed with plastic and there are many sodaS. It’s industrial food so IT IS unhealthy food.
ON THE OTHER HAND,The family from Ecuador expenses SPENDS $31.55 ON THEIR FOOD for a week. We can see that they eat a lot of potatoes, bananas and different KINDS OF cereals. They also eat cabbage, leek and carrot. We can suppose that they farm these vegetables, so it’s a healthier food than the industrial food that the family from THE USA consume. Thanks to this document, we can notice that we can eat healthy food without spending much money. BUT IT REQUIRES WORK TO GROW VEGETABLES
LEAVE SOME SPACE > MISE EN FORME
PENSE TOUJOURS À FACILITER LA LECTURE ET À RENDRE TON TRAVAIL VISUELLEMENT PLUS FACILE À APPRÉHENDER
Then, the traditions of A countrY also influenceS our nutrition. Each country haS his ITS own traditions. For example in the United States, there are many fast foodS : it’s a tradition WAY OF LIFE. The painting of Norman Rockwell showS that. On this painting, we can see a waiter OF McDonald’s who bringS McDonald’s products (sodas AND sandwiches) to children. It’s the BEGINNING OF TAYLORISM APPLIED TO RESTAURANTS, WHICH WILL ADD A NEW DIMENSION TO THE "American way of life".
The film “Super Size Me” also show this way of life but it’s an advertisement WARNING / CAMPAIGN TO RAISE AWARENESS OF UNHEALTHY FOOD because IT SHOWS / DEMONSTRATES THAT if we eat all the day unhealthy food ALL WEEK LONG, we will beCOME in overweight before to becoming / AND VERY QUICKLY BECOME obese IN JUST A FEW MONTHS. The document which PERFECTLY showS perfectly the traditions of the countries / DIFFERENT TRADITIONS ACCORDING TO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES / HOW DIIFERENT THE TRADITIONS ARE ACCORDING TO THE COUNTRIES is the document that we studied in the first part : THE SURVEY PUBLISHED ON THE WEB BY THE TIME AND ENTITLED “Hungry Planet : What The World Eats” THAT WE MENTIONED EARLIER TO OPPOSE CITY LIFE TO COUNTRY LIFE. We can notice that a japanese family doESn’t eat the same things than AS an italian family. For example, the japanese family eats a lot of fish in a week, WHILE the italian family eats pasta, AND the families from Africa (Mali and Chad) eat cereals WHILE the family from Mexico drinks many MUCH Coca Cola. Each family eats traditional products of their country.
IL FAUT NUANCER TON PROPOS ICI: en effet le coca cola n'est pas un produit local (sauf aux USA bien sûr), ici c'est l'effet du commerce international, de la mondialisation, des multinationales qui font changer les traditions
il était possible de l'intégrer à ta réflexion, vu ta problématisue, et c'est là que cela devient plus intéressant car cela permettait de pointer le changement aussi avec la mondialisation qui tend à rendre les pays tous plus uniformes en consommant des produits standardisés. Ainsi tu nuances ton propos, tu vas plus loin, tu approfondis: ces documents te permettent de voir cela. (coca sur toutes les tables du monde....)
To round off this dissertation REFLECTION, through these documentS, we HAVE BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND note that our living space influenceS our nutrition DIET. There is : the wealth of the countries and their traditions which influence our alimentation FOOD HABITS.
We mustn’t forget to be careful to our alimentation we mustn’t eat too many unhealthy food because we risk to become obese.
= we must keep in mind that we have to be very careful about what we eat as we can become overweight or even obese in no time.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
11/20
traitement du sujet : 2,5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 2.5
Méthodologie
> apprendre à introduire les documents comme il faut
> votre réflexion s'apparente davantage à une liste de points et pas à une discussion qui explore une situation problématique, la qualité du devoir s'en ressent.
et cela se voit avec votre choix de documents: vous n'avez pas utilisé les documents où les problèmes liés à votre sujet sont exposés. Vous avez seulement choisi ds documents qui énumèrent ce qu'il faut faire pour être en bonne santé
utiliser des références de cultures anglo-saxonne
éviter de commencer des phrases par "but" et "and"
to practiSe VB
practiCe noun
La conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir la réflexion en fournissant la réponse à la question de départ de façon plus riche.
En gros, en lisant la conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire le développement pour avoir ma réponse: c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée. De plus vous devez parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit votre réflexion vers un autre angle
Essay
The notion studied is “Places and Forms of Power”.
Power is THE ABILITY OF influencing or having control over someone or something. It is used in many places including SUCH AS The White House, OR Buckingham Palace or in France Élysée Palace. It may be exploited EXERTED in political power, military power... POLITICS, THE MILITARY, ECONOMY
The topic WE HAVE CHOSEN TO DEAL WITH THIS NOTION is “You are what you eat”.
We all know that it is very important to be in good health. Many people think that to become or stay fit and healthy, the diet THEY CHOOSE is the most important factor.
But IS it is really sufficient to adopt a good diet to be in good health?
First, it will be demonstrated that the A GOOD diet is important to be in good health
CHECK THE PROPER WAY TO INTRODUCE YOUR DOCUMENT and do not make mistakes (super size me, Mcdonalds by Norman Rockwell…) .
SecondLY, it will be shown that other key elements are at least as important as the diet (document from internet)
Adopting a balanced diet is a fundamental factor to be in good health. BIEN: 1e phrase de paragraphe: idée principale qui va être développée
First of all, the human body needs a balanced diet to deliver vital nutrients. For example, fruit and vegetables provide vitamins, minerals and fibre. Meat, fish, eggs and beans provide protein, vitamins, and minerals. For example, vitamins A helps to reinforce our immune system. Fibre help to maintain a healthy digestive system.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/0/22028519
https://img.over-blog-kiwi.com/0/75/34/75/20181202/ob_587abf_capture-d-ecran-2018-11-12-a-00-08.png
À L'ORAL, TU NE POURRAS PAS INTRODUIRE TES REFERENCES AINSI
IL FAUT DONC APPRENDRE à LES PRESENTER RAPIDEMENT DE FAçon précise.
It is also important to respect healthy proportions. For instance, eating sugar too frequently is possible to increaseS THE risk of tooth decay and cholesterol. Eating larger portions than needed can lead to dangerous diseases such as obesity. That is why it is not recommended to CONSUME large quantity of processed or fast food.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/obesity/causes/
https://img.over-blog-kiwi.com/0/75/34/75/20181129/ob_af5e23_capture-d-ecran-2018-11-26-a-11-51.png
http://watchdocumentaries.com/super-size-me/
Other key factors should be considered in order to become or to stay fit and healthy.
In addition to the diet, it is important to practiSe physical activity, such as walking, cycling, or doing sports. Physical activity has significant health benefits. For instance, regular physical activity reduces the risk of diabetes and improve musculature.
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/physical-activity
Also, team sports are known to be a great way to connect with people and become part of a community, which is good for the mental health.
Another factor that comes into play is social relations. Indeed, to be healthy, it is important to be surrounded by people (meeting new friends, visiting family members).
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S235215461500131X
Useful expressions
outline ( plan)
I'm going to talk about the notion
To begin with, I'd like to give a definition of the word
We may wonder …
First, ...
Secondly, ...
To get a better grasp of this question we will first talk about
Then, we will use...
I will present
The second document is
The document shows
As a consequence,
To conclude
I think
I plan to talk about...
Today I'm going to talk about...
The subject of my presentation is...
The theme of my talk is...
In order to illustrate this question I have chosen …. documents.
You want to keep the outline simple so 2 or 3 main points are usually enough:
I have divided/broken my presentation/speech down/up into X parts.
In the first part I give a few basic definitions.
In the next section I will explain In part three, I am going to show...
In the last part I would like/want to give a practical example...
Make a transition between the introduction and the body
Now let us turn to point one.
Let us now move on to the second part, which is, as I said earlier….
Later on you may find these expressions useful:
Have you ever heard of...?
You may already know…
I feel sure that you…
Every day you encounter...
You may have wondered...
If there is one thing I'd like to get across to you today it is that…
Rhetorical questions
What is a rhetorical question? It is a question that you ask without expecting it to be answered. Why use such a question? In using such a question the speaker appears to be having a dialogue with the listeners. It also should catch their attention. Have you ever seen/heard/experienced...? How can we explain this? What does that mean? What can be done about that? What does this imply for you, as a consumer?
Make a transition (between the introduction and the body)
Now, let us turn to point one.
Let us now move on to the second part, which is, as I said earlier….
Emphasizing/highlighting (Say something is important)
The important thing to remember is...
The essential element is... (Stress verbs with your voice)
Add auxiliary verbs for emphasis => We did see a noticeable difference.
Change the word order => What I'd like to show today is the difference between the two products. / Good it may be, easy it isn't.
What is very significant here
What is important to remember...
I'd like to emphasize the fact that...
I’d like to stress the importance of...
to highlight...
to underline...
What I tried to bring out...
What we need to focus on...
Repetition
As I've said before...
Let me repeat
As I have already said earlier...
As we saw in part one...
To repeat what I've said already…
To refer to what you will say:
We will see this a little later on
This will be the subject of part 3.
We will go into more detail on that later
For now, suffice to say...
To refer to what an expert says:
I quote the words of ...
In the words of…
As Dr. Shukri says in his book...
According to...
There is a famous quotation that goes...
Here I'd like to quote…
To refer to common knowledge:
As you all may well know...
It is generally accepted that...
As you are probably aware (of)...
Sequencing your ideas Here are a few possibilities for organizing your ideas:
logical
chronological order
from general to specific
from known to unknown
from accepted to controversial
cause/effect
problem/solution
Keeping the audience's attention
The beginning and the end or the first and last parts of a talk are what listeners will remember best.
Guide the listener by using expressions to tell him/her where you are going.
That is to say, first announce what you are going to say (give an example)
and then say what you want to say.
This is very like verbal punctuation.
Indicate when you have finished one point and then go on to the next one.
It is redundant in text but very useful in oral presentations.
Experienced presenters will also clearly pause, change their stance and the pitch of their voice as they move from one part of a presentation to another.
Listing information
Lists are often a necessary thing to do oral presentation.
Vary your language whenever possible and avoid reading directly.
There are three things we have to consider: one, two, and three. A, B, C.
Now let us look at the first aspect which is...
First of all,…
In the first place…
Linking ideas, sections/making transitions (Indicate the end of one section and the beginning of the next)
That's all I would like to say about... (subject of part A)
and now let us turn to ....
Now that we've seen... let us turn to…
Outlining options (If there are alternative ways of looking at a topic or proposal, outline them to show you are familiar with the different ways of dealing with a situation)
There seem to be two possible ways of dealing with this...
A number of options present themselves at this point....
To be clear and concrete (use examples, rephrasing, summaries etc.)
To give an example
Now let's take an example
An example of this can be found...
To illustrate this…
Let's see this through an example.
For example,
For instance,
To rephrase:
Let me rephrase that,…
In other words….
Another way of saying the same thing is…
That is to say….
To summarize
To summarize
To sum up,
Let me summarise by saying
In conclusion
So that concludes my overview
Briefly said
What I've tried to show in this part...
In short,
To recap what we've seen so far...
I'd like to summarise/sum up
At this stage I would like to run through/over the main points...
So, as we have seen today....
As I have tried to explain
As a result
In the light of what we have seen today I
In conclusion I would like to say that...
My final comments concern...
I would like to finish by
__________________________________________
CORRECTION OF A FEW TESTS RANDOMLY PICKED
W.N 13/20
On the bright side: il y a un effort perceptible pour traiter le sujet et utiliser les documents pour étayer vos idées, pour appliquer la méthodologie
BIEN en linguistique, poursuivre vos efforts sur la correction de la langue!
On the dark side:
Il faut soigner davantage l'introduction et la conclusion: ils forment la charpente de votre devoir. On pourrait dire qu'ils sont l'alpha et l'omega selon la célèbre formule, et ils déterminent tout le devoir entre eux deux.
En réalisant une bonne introduction, vous avez toutes les chances de réussir votre réflexion car vos axes de réflexion sont solides au départ. Bien sûr ils découlent d'une chaîne logique bien pensée et exprimée.
La conclusion est votre point d'arrivée, la réponse à votre problématique. Il faut arriver à quelque chose de plus que le prévisible qui n'est pas une pensée personnelle approfondie.
En linguistique, il faut bien respecter les structures.
Améliorer la ponctuation, c'est facile et c'est bien meilleur si c'est correctement réalisé.
Revoir la définition du mot "propagande":
Action exercée sur l'opinion pour l'amener à avoir et à appuyer certaines idées (surtout politiques). Propagande électorale. Faire de la propagande pour qqch., qqn.
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 3
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3
correction de la langue 3.5
richesse de la langue 3.5
We will work on the notion « Places and Forms of Power ».
Power is the capacity to do something or to make something. When we have power, we can control something or somebody. The most important power in a country is politicAL. (debatable) Indeed, we are controlLED by the legislation and justice.
But = I am going to contradict what I have said before
"Food" is a primary need, without it, life isn't sustainable. As such, it stands as a source of power in itself. you don't have to use another form of power to deal with your topic. You can introduce the idea of propaganda as one of the ways people use to manipulate business to their advantages. However, you should put it differently in your intro.
I will talk about another form of power which is the propaganda.
Our Topic is « You are what you eat ».
How the propaganda influenceS our diet and what are the consequences on our health ?
First, I will talk about the propaganda wich influenceS our diet and in a second part I will talk about the consequences on our health. For the first part, I will use the painting of Norman Rockwell named « MacDonald » and the advertisement « We are not nuggets » by « Peta2.com ». For the second part, I will use the film « Super Size Me » by Morgan Spurlock.
Initially, we can see that propaganda can influence our diet. Indeed, the two documents are a way of propaganda. The painting by Norman Rockwell showS us a happy family who is around the waiter with the food. Everybody are looking for at
look for = chercher
the food and the logo of Macdonald and they ARE smilING ACTION EN COURS. Moreover, the drinks with all the logos are in the middle OF THE PICTURE. The autHor made a focus on this. So, we can see that Rockwell showS us an idealised vision of Macdonald with the view to make us go to this fast-food. And we know that it was ordered by the MacDo fast-food chain to help them to have more and more people. So, the document want IS AIMED AT to influencING our diet by showing as I said LOURD an idealised vision of thIS fast-food RESTAURANT (=AT THE TIME IT WAS PAINTED ITWAS THE BEGINNING OF THE CONCEPT) and they push us to consume unhealthy food.
But Furthermore, we can observe the same form of propaganda but with a better goal. In fact, the document « We are not nuggets » haS many goals. ITS AutHors want to prevent wickedness to animals, AS WELL AS to stop us from eating meat and . THEY TRY TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THE ANIMAL CONDITION AS WELL AS THE ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUE to change our eating habits. They represent (THEY = THE AUTHORS) Four chickS CAN BE SEEN and not four chickenS because every LIVING CEATURE thing is cute when it's small and defenceless. AfterwArds, we can read “We are not nuggets!” and “Please don’t eat us”. Vegetarians save 95 lives a year. Go vegetarian–for yourself, for the planet, and for animals!”. Those points appeal to our pity and make us FEEL shocked by the situation because that reach our kind heart with the poors chicks SO that we want cuddle them. So, THE PURPOSE OF this document want IS to influence our diet by showing shocking, affecting, AND ALARMING things FACTS (THINGS = TOO VAGUE). The desired diet is an healthy and vegetarian diet.
Secondly we can observe that the differents diet have many consequences on our health. In fact we can see that an unhealthy diet have A bad impact on our health. The film “Super Size Me” showS us the results/ HOW FAR IT MAY GO. In this film Morgan Spurlock commits to eat three timeS in a day AT MacDonald'S during FOR one month. So we follow his pathEXPERIMENT everyday and we see the “transformation” of himself HIS BODY. During all thIS experience TIME, some doctors will estimate CHECK / ASSESS THE STATE OF his health. But They will be GET worried because his health will be down IS JEOPARDIZED. On the first week he vomits. Finally his body mass haS risen by 13%. His cholesterol level increaseS a lot. His fat goes inTO his liver. He has more moodiness. He will even loseS his libido. His LEVEL OF depressION increaseS too. After the experiMENT, he will be in good health after fourteen monthIT WILL TAKE 6 MONTHS TO RESTAURE HIS HEALTH. This showS us that enter in obesity+ GETTING OBESE is MUCH faster than goING out of it. So Morgan Spurlock makes us conscious that the big obesity level is partly in relation to the fast-food HABITS in America.
On the other hand we know that IF people who have balanced diet have a good health. It's a kind of definition of the sentence “we are what we eat”. HavING a balanced diet is eating healthy and balanceD the types of DIVERSIFIED food because differents food have and giveS us differents nutrients. For example rice containS carbs and protein and banana containS vitamins. So we look great and we feel great.
To summarize the propaganda can influence us INto change our diet with differents wayS and particularly publicity. It can be to attract us to make money like MacDonald or to attract APPEAL TO OUR SENSE AND SENSITIVITY us to solve a problem like the OVERmeat consumption AROUND THE WORLD. Those DietS they want us to have CAN have good or bad impact on our self US depending on the unbalanced or balanced diet THEIR NUTRIENTS. An unbalanced diet may have serious impact on our body. So WE MUST be careful about what you WE see on TV or in your OUR DAILY life because "we are what we eat " and there is no exception to the rule.
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A.B 10/20
On the bright side: travail rendu dans les temps, au format demandé, longueur appropriée
On the dark side: méthodologie à suivre non respectée, il s'ensuit une réflexion qui se disperse et qui n'est pas assez ancrée dans la réalité des documents étudiés en classe et dont on ne perçoit pas le fil conducteur.
Il faudra reprendre la méthodologie point par point la prochaine fois, en commençant par la validation de votre problématique.
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 2
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
The notion of this lesson is We are going to talk about the notion « Places and form of power ». This is an idea which is about powers which means that it’s about politicS and ethics.
- « Places » means several places like the white house, the parliament, a court or even schools/universities… - « Form » means a lot of things too like the religion, the economy, or even the press etc… I’m going to talk about food and its dividing in the world. WHAT KIND OF DIVISION?
question trop vague et multiple, on ne voit pas le lien avec le sujet non annoncé "you are what you eat":
We may wonder to what extent the division is equal ????? in each country, what kind of food is eaten there WHERE? and what are the consequences on our body and health.
In a first part, I’m going to study the equality about food and the kind of food that’s eaten there.
We studied many pictures that were showing what people eat according to the place they belongs to ( for an example a American family or an Indian family…)The food division is not equal at all. That depend of the country BE MORE SPECIFIC = describe the difference ; like the developed countries which do not eat healthy, (like America) because the pocessed food, fast food etc…has became a true HUGE business there, so a lot of people eat processed food, fast food and a lot of bad food for our body. Contrary to America, the India is a poor country, so Indians can not by that kind of food, they eat more healthy, like rice, fish, and seeds etc… In China that’s exactly the same thing, it’s not a country so much developed and they also eat rice, fish and vegetables. Food is not equally devided between countries. We can say that every family is fed differently depending to the place they belongs to. (developped countries, poor countries and traditions etc…). By the way I was talking about tradition, what people eat also depend of traditions in the country. For an example we did an oral comprehension about tradition in the world. We saw that in China before,WHEN ? they was thinking that if they ate a tiger’s penis, it would cure the fertillity and some diseases… Or even in India people do not eat meat because they think that they are gling to be agressive, and that a lot of bad things would happen to them. We can say that there is a lot of difference between countries and the food that people eat. I also can say that there is 3 reasons that determinate what people eat and it’s ofently cultural (like the religion or the traditions…), geographical ( in some countries some vegetables or fruits etc… do not exist ) and political. When people eat crapy food, it’s not wihthout some consequences… I also can say that there is several consequences for sure. This is the obesity, and I’m going to present the consequences in my second part so it’s the obesity in the world and what w should eat to keep ourself in a good shape.
Obesity has became a worldwide problem nowadays. It’s almost in every developed and undeveloped countries. Obesity can be a serious problem and some countries have a bigger obese population than others. The most obese countries include the Cook Islands and Nauru in the top spots. We also studied an oral comprehension about the obesity that was telling us that the problem in some developed countries, people eat less rice, less fish and vegatables, more meat and processed food. Moreover they exercice less… That’s a big trouble. People that has a rural life generally eat more fish and vegetables contrary to the people who has a city life who eat more processed food, bad food and exercice less. This is why we have to be careful with our health and body. But people think that obesity is only from rich or developed countries but it’s a lie. The most obese countries in the world are not necessarily the richest or most developed. The U.S. and the UK, which are ranked 12th and 36th, respectively, indicate there’s no direct relationship between obesity and a country’s economic status that’s why I was writting that it’s a lie. In fact, countries with smaller economies, such as Marshall Islands, Kuwait, Samoa, Palau, and Nauru have made it to the top 10. I’m going to compare what obeses eat contrary to a normal person. People who eat processed food, fast food, meats etc… too much are oftenly in overwheight ( not really obese ). People who wants to eat healthy and want to be in a good shape has to eat more vegetables, more fruits, exercice more etc… The obesity is a big consequence of the too fat food consommation and the developement of fast food and processed food industries etc… By the way, talking about fast food industry reminds me that we studied a big fast food industry that became famous nowadays and this is the macdonald’s. We saw a document talking about this fast food industry and for me (in my way of thinking) I think that Macdonald’s is not good for the health. Nowadays the food that are used to make hamburger or others things like that are not good for the health and a lot of chicks are transformed into nuggets but they suffer and this is not aaceptable.
Let’s talk about America and its obesity : Though America is not the most obese country in the world, North America still continues to lead the charts. While a majority of other countries that top of the list are small and sparsely populated countries. Mexico and the US continue to top the list in recent years trading spots for number 1 in North America. The United States is the most obese country in North America with 36.2% of its population having a body mass index of over 30.0. Nearly 78 million adults and 13 million children in the United States deal with the health and emotional effects of obesity every day.
We can say that the food division is not equal and that it depend of where we are from and the consequence of this inequallity is the obesity and obesity has others consequences on our body… It’s possible to die if we become obese because after this, there is a lot of diseases that can appear and this is a bad thing for our body.
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CORRECTION OF A FEW TESTS RANDOMLY PICKED
13/20
On the bright side:
travail rendu dans les temps, au format demandé, longueur appropriée
un effort pour suivre la forme
On the dark side:
méthodologie à mieux comprendre afin de parvenir à mieux construire votre réflexion à partir des documents
-plusieurs documents doivent être utilisés et davantage et de façon précise, pour venir annoncer une idée, la soutenir, ou l'étayer
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 2.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3.5
richesse de la langue 3.5
English Dissertation
annonce de la notion?
Definition?
annonce du sujet choisi pour traiter cette notion?
Food is essential for all living beings. It has a great impact on our health and is very different in different countries because of their culture or their wealth. This is why we may wonder to what extent what we eat is good for our health in Western countries
At first, we will talk about what is good for our health by explaining DETAILING a good diet and comparing the diet of typical MIDDLE-CLASS families in different countries of the world through the document on different families seen in court,
ON THE BLOG, AND IN CLASS I TOLD YOU TO BE VERY SPECIFIC IN THE WAY YOU INTRODUCE YOUR DOCUMENTS
then, in a second time PART WE WILL TRY TO DESCRIBE WHAT is a bad diet IS and we will take THE example of THE MacDonald's restaurant chain using the text "The MacDonald Brothers".
For starters, it would be good to define what is a good diet. A good diet consists of fruits and vegetables of course but also cereals, fish, meat, etc. There is not ONLY ONE a good diet, it depends on different things. You must know how to vary your diet and the most important is to moderate the consumption of salty, fatty and especially sweet products! This is why food and industrial foods are strongly discouraged TO BE AVOIDED. Thus, there are no rules and limits, one must eat to THEIR hunger; but you have to eat healthy products such as fruits. It is not good to deprive YOURself of certain foods because it will affect your health, for example to deprive oneself of animal meat is to deprive oneself of proteins which are essential to our good functioning (even if certain proteins can be found in vegetables that is why being a vegetarian is not necessarily harmful to our health).
But the regime also depends on the country we are in ! In fact, depending on the country, we do not have the same culture and the same means. For example, in the United States their diet consists of IN pizzaS, sodaS, hamburgerS, they are very bad meals for health, very fat and sweet and there are no plants, all this is expensive for a little less than a week of food ... While if you take a country like Central Africa, their diet consists of IN almost ONLY vegetables, grains, and all for cheap.
Thus, the ideal diet is difficult to define because it depends on the culture of the country and its means and resources but what is certain is the food "good" for our health. = ??
Dans cette 1e partie le document annoncé n'a pas été cité de façon précise pour venir illustrer ou avancer une idée.
Vous discutez au fil de vos pensées sans vraiment rester rattaché aux documents étudiés
But= début 2nde partie? bad food is also widespread and it is important to know how to identify it. First and foremost, a poor diet is a diet that is not very diversified. at the level of food. and also not Besides, being regular and fast, or skipping meals and eating quickly is bad for your health. As well as a very salty, sweet or oily food diet, but that's not why they should be avoided! They are to be moderated and we must not deprive ourselves!
This is why industrial foods are not recommended as well as fast food chains.
For example MacDonald has revolutionized the restoration thanks to its fast and efficient system yet there are not only positive aspects! It may be fast and cheap and therefore accessible to everyone but first of all, the conditions of preparation are not good, it is inspired from Taylorism at the chain and food is not healthy for our health despite what can be said ..
To conclude, diet is essential for good health and it depends on our culture, our country, our means, the bad food is very present nowadays and in the "rich" countries especially but it is good to ask ourselves if the industry has only negative aspects on the diet is ?? our health or on the contrary, to know if it has positive aspects for our food.
your question : to what extent what we eat is good for our health in Western countries
your answer, summarized in your conclusion, thanks to your development should answer very clearly.
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06/20
On the bright side: tu as essayé de faire quelque chose
On the dark side:
le travail est bâclé: tu n'as pas pris soin de reprendre tes documents et la méthodologie avant de t'ateler à la tâche de conduire une réflexion personnelle argumentée à partir des documents étudiés. Tu peux mieux réussir avec un travail plus rigoureux qui s'attache aux consignes et la volonté de réaliser un vrai devoir.
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 1.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 1.5
correction de la langue 1.5
richesse de la langue 1.5
I'm going to talk about the notion “Places and Forms of Power”.TO start WITH i'll give you a little definition of “Places” : THEY could be important buildings or institutions that represent WHERE a certain form of power IS EXERTED. For example the White House. And now a definition OF THE WORD “Power”: it's the capacity to exercise control or authority over others.
YOUR DEFINITION IS NOT PRECISE ENOUGH
The topic is about le food inside different countries. OUR TOPIC IS THE PROVERBIAL PHRASE "WE ARE WHAT WE EAT"
ATTERRISSAGE UN PEU BRUTAL DE VOTRE PROBLÉMATIQUE ICI:
We may wonder to what extent what we eat is good for our health in Western countries.
First of all, let's talk about food in these countries and after THAT we go WILL talk of the health of these people.
Parties clairement énoncées, ok. Mais pas les documents que vous allez utiliser pour votre argumentation!?
N'avez-vous pas écouté/entendu, lu les consignes méthodologiques en cours et sur blog/pronote?
The people in the Western countries eat diversifIED FOOD for instance in THE USA they eat a food THAT IS very fat SUCH as a pizza, fast food, soda.. while in Africa
ce n'est pas ce que vos avez annoncé en intro? => " Western countries."
they don't have many AS MUCH money as in THE USA so they eat grains, seeds more specifically food coming from the land because they grow a lot. ??
So I can conclude that you atre ?? THERE ARE 3 reasons that determine what people eat, the first one is cultural right here I took the example of the USA and Africa, the second is geographical because we can't produce the same products everywhere and the third is political for not all countries have the same budget.
The problem he's getting rid of is a obesity = THE PROBLEM IS OBESITY OF WHICH THEY WANT TO GET RIF OF because it relates CONCERNS everyone, ???
in 2005 there were 1,6 billion obese adults 80% are from developing countries. The think that in 2030 this number would increase at 3,3 billion overweight people. This is due junte food because as I said in my first paragraph they eat too much fat and not diversified enough.
Por conclude, I could say that food in Western countries is not good for health because there is too much obese in these countries.
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1 SVT 10/20
On the bright side: 1er travail de ce genre, tâche ardue. Effort pour suivre les consigne de méthodologie
On the dark side:
méthodologie à améliorer, une réflexion qui doit être mieux articulée pour répondre clairement à ta problématique " to what extent is it crucial to eat healthy food in order to feel better?"
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 2.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2.5
correction de la langue 2
richesse de la langue 2
We will talk about the notion that is call: “Places and forms of power”. These are all areas where decisions are taken (usually it’s institutions and governments). Forms can be political, economic or religious for exemple. Power deals with control and influence of people.
TOPIC?
We may wonder to what extent if it is crucial to eat healthy food in order to feel better. First I will speak about healthy food with two advertisements: one from PETA2.com and the other one from Dirtypig.com. After I will deal with how crappy food has impose as a way of life thanks to a text about The Mcdonalds Brothers, we will also see it with a paint about Mcdonald too. At the end I will explain how to feel better and health at general with an interview from BBC.
First of all, like I said, I am going to deal with healthy food. The first document that I use is an advertisement in order to promote vegetarians way of life. It is from PETA2.com, a foundation that save animals. We can see four cute chicks that say “We are not nuggets!” closely followed by “Please don’t eat us.” It raise the problem that we eat too much meat (especially in western countries) and we have to adopt a vegan diet for evident environmental and ethical reasons.
Then, the second advertisement is about waste and sorting. We can descry? a man with a pig nose. At the top of the picture, is write “What does dropping litter make you look like?” It means that you became what you don’t tidy at the trash can. That shows we have to take
care about tidying our waste, it also denounce that we don’t take enough time to eat (so it denounce fast food).
As we saw, healthy food help the environment and is against fast food at the way that fast food advocates eat too quickly.
1e partie : healthy food=> je n'ai pas assez d'éléments de réponse
Secondly, I will talk about crappy food/junk food. The first document is text that deals with the Mcdonalds brothers. It explain how the brothers have revolutionize the way of eat on the United States by adapt assembly lines to a restaurant in order to eat very quickly.
NOT ONLY:
The second document is a paint that promote the brand of Mcdonald. We can see people from differents ages that smile simply as look the logo. It looks alike a propaganda poster and the paint is very attractive because of the light colors. It may idealised the vision of the American way of life, like a paradise.
As we saw, Mcdonalds brothers have revolutionized the way of eat but the advertisements raise that Mcdonald haven’t simply good front. ?
2e partie: je comprends que crappy food = manger vite et manger chez Macdo. Essaie de ne pas reprendre des parties entières du cours, tu utilises tes connaissances en fonction des besoins de ton argumentation. Ici, trop de placages. Par ex, je ne comprends pas à quoi sert la description du tableau. Oui il y a des connaissances mais utilisées maladroitement
On the third part, we will saw how to feel better and the link between healthy food and health in general. The document that is going to be use is “Worrying tread”. This is a news report from the BBC, the two people say that there are more and more obesity people in the world (because the rapid expansion of fast foods around the world). évite les parenthèses, en plus c'était très important de préciser cela, c'est tout sauf une parenthèse
Most of this increasing is from countries in development, it’s closely kneat to this new way of life that is export to this countries. We know that obesity isn’t good for our health and cause several damages to the body but we don’t do anything.
C'est aller un peu vite: l'action de WHO que tu utilises ici: campagne de sensibilisation et d'information au même titre que les politiques de santé menées par les gouvernements et les associations.
This is a new world problem that we have to resolve, as this type of food might trop faible be dangerous for us.
To conclude, healthy food help the environment and oppose to fast food that is a way which is cheap but not good for your health and feel better.
But should we prioritize of good nourishes people or continue prioritizing the new technologies breakthrough? ? PAS COMPRIS
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15/20
On the bright side:
Vous avez compris l'exercice dans l'ensemble.
Effort pour construire votre réflexion à partir des documents
Structure cohérente
Lexique approprié, on retrouve une partie du vocabulaire
On the dark side:
annoncer vos documents correctement (titre, nature, source/date éventuellement)
Être plus concise pour la définition (ce que j'ai barré sont des éléments qui te servent à bien comprendre comment utiliser certains aspects de la notion en pointant les enjeux)
Mieux lier les éléments de ton intro de façon à ce que cela paraisse naturel, fluide, logique. (ici, c'est un peu brutal, des idées à la suite sans connection parfois ou alors incohérentes)
Des progrès à rélaliser sur la conclusion, un peu bâclée ici.
Elle doit être autant pensée que l'intro.
conseils: analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3.5
richesse de la langue 4
The notion that I’m going to present you is Places and Forms of Power. For me, (def du dictionnaire !!!) power is the ability of someone or something to control or influence someone or something. An individual has two sorts of power: the power of the body and the power of the mind. In the society, to be able to live together, individuals need to accept some rules, regulations and laws. Nevertheless, it is important to note that power entails counter-powers which question it and resist it. Thus, according places and different forms of power. TO DEAL WITH THIS NOTION, I HAVE CHOSEN TO STUDY THE PROVERBIAL SENTENCE I will more specifically, present you the following subject: “You are what you eat”.
We may wonder to what extent you have to have money to eat properly and so, to be in good health.
The first part is WILL BE about the difference of food in the different countries. In order to illustrate this part, AND I have chosen one document. The WE WILL USE A document is the slide show that we saw in class ENTITLED "Hungry planet: What the World Eats"
on THE DIETS OF different families in the world for a week. This slide show shows the quantity and the quality of what a family eats in a week in different countries as well as the different budgets. We notice that in rich countries SUCH as in the US, there are very few vegetables, most foods are fat and the budget is very high. In poorer countries, families are much more numerous LARGER and yet the quantity is small, they only eat fruits and vegetables but they still look happy. Food is not equally divided between countries. It is complicated because in the rich countries, there is a lot of fast food, in all the streets, while in the poorer countries, there is no fast food and no restaurants. IRRELEVANT
The second part is about the dangers and diseases of food.
MAL DIT
Being in good health depends on what you eat. As the audio documentary "You are What you Eat" released by Afterskool, an educational organisation in 2017,
said in class, if WE eat fatty food, we will become fat and if we eat healthy food, we will become healthy. Nowadays, a lot of people eat tins and packaged food because it is more convenient and faster. A lot eat also fast food because it is TASTES good but IT IS HARMFUL TO THEIR not for the health, and sometimes it is more convenient when you go on a trip. Even if it sometimes takes time, you have to take the time to cook and eat balanced DIETS, it is Essential to be in Good health, but sometimes AND IF IT IS ONLY VERY OCCASIONAL you can eat fatty food.
To conclude, I think we do not have to have money to eat properly as shown in the document 1, because those who have a lot of money eat poorly, unlike the poor. For example, water is the most accessible drink and the least expensive THIS IS A CONCLUSION SO, NO EXAMPLE. And, AND we do not have TO
HAVE money / BE RICH to be in good health, even if organic products, fruits and vegetables are more expensive, we can grow vegetables.
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On the bright side:
1er devoir de ce type en anglais!
effort pour lier les idées de façon
effort pour construire votre réflexion à partir des documents
structure d'ensemble cohérente
langue en progrès
On the dark side:
annoncer tes documents correctement (titre, nature, source/date éventuellement)
des placages de cours à éviter
il faut apprendre à mieux développer de façon précise grâce à tes documents en étant plus précise. Très bien connaître tes documents te fera progresser à 100%
réflexion qui reste trop superficielle et plaquée (connaissances des documents insuffisante)
conseils: relire tes documents et lister les idées essentielles
cibler le lexique à mobiliser (à noter)
connaître ton déroulé d'intro et de conclusion (définition, lexique, façon d'annoncer les docs)
traitement du sujet : 2.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3.5
richesse de la langue 3.5
WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE NOTION "Places and forms of power" are essential in our society. To begin, I will give you a small definition of this notion.
“Places” could be important buildings or institutions that represent a specific form of power. For example Buckingham Palace (a symbol of the British monarchy) or the White House (a symbol of the American EXECUTIVE POWER). A place can also be a country or a state. For example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events throughout the world IT'S A superpower and China is a major economic power in today's world.
AND IT IS ON ITS WAY TO CHALLENGE THE AMERICAN MILITARY POWER
“Power” is the ability to control others, events, or ressources ; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This, of course, leads to conflict between those who have power and those who have little or none of it.
But food is also a form of power, as it changes between the different coutries.
AS IT IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY NEED FOR SURVIVAL.
In conclusion, not in intro
AND IT WILL BE OUR TOPIC HERE, THROUGH THE WELL-KNOWN PHRASE "we are what we eat". Several kinds of food exist. For example, healthy food or junk food. We may wonder to what extent our origins have consequences DETERMINES on our diet and HOW IT IMPACTS our body.
In the first part, we will study different diets in several countries, with their beliefs. In order to do that, we will use the document about the diets from different countries,
CORRECTION
A DOCUMENT ENTITLED "Hungry planet: What the World Eats", an article and slideshow
published by the English Newspaper "The Time" on the Web
and the oral comprehension about beliefs around the world.
In the second part, we will study the consequences of our diet on our body between different countries.MAL DIT
To do that, we will use the document about veganism an the written comprehension about Mac Donald's.
Around the world, a lot of styleS of diet exist. The first document ? shows us the quantity, the quality, and the diversity of food in a lot of countries. There are a lot of reasons for it WHAT ARE THEY THEN ?. For example, American people eat a lot of processed food with packaging and often very fat. While in Ecuador, they eat a lot of natural products (like organic food). A lot of other countries eat like them. VAGUE
British people and australian people eat like american people. Bhutanese people and Egyptian people eat like Ecuadorian people.
TOO VAGUE YOU MUST HELP YOUR READER WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
It can be explained by the price of the food in the countries, and the salary of the families. For example, in Bhutan, for one week the family pays 5$ to eat almost only vegetables. On the contrary, in Norway, the price of food for one week is 735$ for a family. It is overpriced and they almost eat like people in the USA.
Another reason can be cultural. Historical national traditions can explain a lot of things. For example, in traditional Chinese medicine, a tiger penis is said to have important therapeutic properties. Or in India where they do not eat cow meat since BECAUSE OF the Indian mythology. Its importance in Indian culture is explained by the fact that, in their religion, Shiva and Krishna, the two most adored divinities, are strongly linked with cows. Moreover, Krishna grew up in a family of cow keepers, and when he was young he seduced more than a thousand “gopies” (daughters of cow keepers).
Other cultures do not eat pork meat, for example Muslim people.
Our diet determines what we are and more precisEly our body.
1.EXPLAIN : avec le verbe "determine" pour les deux proposition c'est mal dit et de plus cela n'explique pas ce que tu viens de dire.
2.Selon ce que tu viens d'explique, ce que l'on mange peut montrer de quel pays nous venons, donc une partie de notre identité, ouisque cela pointe vers une région du monde, et en conséquence à une culture.
To begin WITH, we will go in USA. There, there is a big issue about CHILD obesity. As shown REPORTED in news Report from the BBC World Service, NO COMA in 2005, there were 6 billion overweight adults, and in 2030, this number will set to increase to 3.3 billion people with obesity.
CES CHIFFRES CONCERNENT L'OBESITE DANS LE MONDE PAS AUX USA SEULEMENT
Moreover, eighty percent come from developing countries, that shows that our origins and our country have consequences on our body. ?? MAL DIT
Sir John Barnes, the chairman of the World Trade Organization and the interviewee, tells us that he finds this very disturbing.
PLACAGE DE COURS
Other issues can be raised by fat food. There are FOOD RELATED ILLNESSES SUCH AS heart diseases, diabetes (it clogs arteries), high blood pressure TO NAME BUT A FEW ... FULL STOP
The developpingMENT of its sickness ILLNESSES coincides with the arrival and the developping of fast food and processed food. The taylorism is a new type of work. MALT DIT
It costs less money and IT is faster DE FAIRE QUOI ??.
Therefore a lot of factories begin to use it. VAGUE
It is why processed food is developping. But the first restaurant to begin to use this is the one created by the Mac Donald brothers. Our second document tells us that they created the drive-in-business in 1940. But in 1948, they closed their restaurant because of a big fire. Three months later they reoppened it with a radically new method of preparing food.
PLACAGE DE COURS
There were only hamburgers and cheesburgers. The developping of fast food and so of fat food also created medical problems like obesity and diabetes.
REPETITION
To conclude, our origins, our diet and our body are strongly linked. The first part showed us that our diet changes between countries, and that it can be caused by our old traditions (like cow meat in India or tiger penis in China). EVITER LES PARENTHESES EN GENERAL SURTOUT EN CONCLUSION OU EN INTRO
The second part showed us that PAS EN CONCLU
our diet and so our country ??have consequences on our organism with the different sicknesses ??. MAL DIT
PRIVILEGIER S+VB+COMPLEMENT
It showed also that developping countries eat more fat food than the rest of the world, and it is why they have all these diseases. We conclude that the developping of the fast foods, such as Mac Donald's, caused a lot of problems on our health. Our country of origin has a real impact on our body, on our organism, and on what we eat.
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English assessment: ESSAY
9/20
On the bright side:
1er devoir de ce type en anglais!
effort pour faire un devoir sur le sujet et le personnaliser
Des idées mais une problématique qui n'est pas reliée au parties
On the dark side:
problématique et parties en désaccord
certains passages difficile à comprendre
conseils:
analyse de la correction pour améliorer
relecture avec votre fiche errors/horrors
traitement du sujet : 2
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 2
richesse de la langue 3
We will talk about nutrition, frequent mistakes and resulting illnesses. We will see the differences between each country. We have studIed ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT the notion that is called: Places and forms of power. This subject means the power to influence others. Here, WE HAVE CHOSEN TO DEAL WITH food THROUGH THE PHRASE WE ARE WHAT WE EAT.
We may wonder to what extenT if our environment influenceS our diet and therefore our health.
In a first part, we will observe the differents foods between countries around the world.
What DOCUMENTS are you ging to use?
In a second part, we will talk about THE products which are sold in majors retailerS WHICH have taken a part in the overconsumption OF FOOD. In the last A SECOND part, we will see the resulting diseases THAT CAN BE CAUSED BY UNHEALTHY DIETS .
What DOCUMENTS are you ging to use?
Quel sont les liens logiques entre ta problématique et tes deux parties?
We ARE first GOING TO EXAMINE look at the different types of foods from one culture / country to another. On Friday, November 23rd , we studied and saw
ANNONCER LE DOCUMENT/ Hungry planet: What the World Eats, article and slideshow published by the English Newspaper "The Time" on the Web
families on pictures with their food for a full week at different costs. The family members were there too, they could be up to eight (I think). We have founded huge(many) differences in purchasing power, food (more or less fat, sweet, balanced ...). Families have less than $ 6 to eat for a week and live 8 people, while sometimes up to $ 600 to eat for a week and live to 4 people. The poorest families came from underdeveloped countries and the wealth of developed countries. In addition, those who have a high purchasing power in malnutrition and lack of vegetables. ? They ate a lot of sweet things (sodas, pizza, chips, cakes, chocolates, junk food …), while the populations presented by the underdeveloped countries are numerous, starchy foods (seeds: wheat, quinoa ...), very little or no fat, sugar ... and especially have very few.
We can therefore say that crops and the country in which we live constitute a major role in our diet, as well as our purchasing power.
In a second part, we will talk about the influence of the stores on our consumption of food products (packaging, prices …). We know that humans are more attracted to brightly colored packaging, which will keep the big brands that will always put more packaging. And the attractive prices of the products will always attract, a "normal" person will prefer to buy cheaper and will not always check the amount of calories, sugar and fat that the product contains.Take the example of Mac Donald's. We know that the price of these menus, sandwiches, drinks, desserts ... has a reasonable price (which increases lately). It offers a fast service, with frozen products, bad qualities (bad cooking of the meat for example, or a bad precaution of defrosting and refreezing, which should never be done) but they want a maximum of profits and sell so products of poor quality, too fat, sometimes too dry ... It will be noticed that their packing is of bright color. Norman Rockwell (1894 - 1978), American illustrator, will make a caricature NO of Mac Donald's. He shows the carefree children happy to take sodas by employee Mac Donald. They are gullible, they do not know that they drink almost sugar in a goblet. The employee is smiling and happy to take advantage of his naivety. To return to this document of Friday, November 23rd , it shows that large retailers play a major role in food, to the extent that the population of developed countries feeds poorly. They buy thanks / because of the advertising, the packaging and the price. They no longer go on the market to buy fresh produce and therefore gain weight. While the population of the underdeveloped countries consumes products harvested by hand, without fat or added sugar. They only taste the fruits or vegetables they eat.
Finally, we will study the various diseases resulting from the malnutrition of the population. There are three different diseases (which often appear) affect people who eat poorly, such as cholesterol, diabetes and obesity. Cholesterol is a cardiovascular disease. When it accumulates in the arteries, it creates a plaque along the walls of the heart. These channels narrowed and then gradually blocked to prevent blood circulation in the body, a phenomenon called atherosclerosis. Diabetes also increases rates of cardiovascular disease, increases eye disorders, increases the risk of neuropathies, increases sensitivity, increases the risk of infection and causes impotence in patients. Obesity affects 1.4 billion people aged 20 and over worldwide. There is also bulimia, I will explain it as much as I can because I have been and I am always one of those victims. Bulimia is a neurological disease that affects sugar and fat addiction during intense emotional shock. This phenomenon makes you gain a lot of weight and makes you eat until you get sick, because your body claims it. There is no way to deal with deprivation. Now that I have explained the different diseases, I will present an audio document listened to in class. It was presented by the BBC. This audio was about obesity in the world. We had learned that 1.6 billion adults were affected by poor nutrition OBESITY. Due to the high level of sugar and fat in their diet, the portions sold were too large compared to the daily intake. . And that in 2030 more than 3.3 billion would be affected. The more we eat, the more hungry we are, it's a vicious circle. The most affected countries are China, North Africa, the United States, Mexico, Inda and Australia (as developed countries!).
To conclude, we can therefore say that the choice of the place of life, fresh or already prepared products, fast food chains, hyper / super / giant walk and food education have an important consequence on our provoking ? organism. different diseases.? It would be necessary that we all return in a mode of consamation in the fields so that it is in good health (without preservativeS, without additions of which we do not even have the knowledge ..).
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English essay(s ??)
19/12
traitement du sujet : 3.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
Vous êtes dans un entre-deux: vous devez encore progresser sur la méthode et être beaucoup plus rigoureuse sur les informations utilisées provenant des documents. Vous devez être soucieuse de toujours pouvoir prouver une idée à partir d'un document. Si celui-ci est mal compris ou interprété, cela met en danger votre argumentation.
Attention à mieux vous relire! Trop d'erreurs encore très basiques!
The notion that we are going to study is “forms and places of power”. The power is the ability to control someone or something, and have an influence on it. The place can be any places where a form of power is practice EXERTED, like the White House, a court, or a school. The power can be politicAL, scientific, economic, military, OR medical. Here we are focusING on a form of power that is maybe press advertizing, or THAT IS economical BIEN:
the power of all the culture of a country, and the health of their inhabitant POINT DE VUE DIFFICILE À PERCEVOIR .
OUR The topic is “we are what we eat”. This expression has the aimS to differentiate the healthy food and FROM unhealthy food. We may wonder if the country where we live can change our ITS DAILY diet in everyday, and our THE health OF ITS PEOPLE.
∆ ON DOIT FAIRE REFERENCE AUX PAYS DE CULTURE ANGLO SAXONNE EN PRIORITÉ (cours d'anglais => culture anglaise/américaine/australienne,... )
In the first part, we will observe the different cultures in very different countries, and in a second part we will study the impact of over consummation overconsumption on our health. We ARE going to study the document that showS the food of a family for one week in five countries, and “the Macdonald brothers” in the first part, and the script of “a worrying trend” in the second part.
In this first part, we will see the differences of the diet for one week in a family in the USA, in Mexico, China, India and Australia. In USA, we see that a family eat very large quantities. They have especially pizzas, crisps, package food, very few vegetables, and in general, very fathering FATTENING food. On the contrary, in China, there are IS less quantity, more vegetable, some fish and fruit, and little meat. But in China, the family has a budget lesser ADJ AVANT LE NOM than in THE USA, where the family spendS 250 dollars in a week on food! In the other examples, we see the same thing: more quantity and junk food in developed countries, and a less quantity, more vegetable and healthyIER food in underdeveloped DEVELOPING countries. We can think that IT is the culture of all the country that has an influence on what eat the inhabitants EAT, and for the developed countries, the publicity can be the cause of over consummation and the junk-food all the days. We take a painting of Norman Rockwell, who is a well-know American who used to paint everyday life scenes, that are idealistic or sentimentalized portrayals of American life BIEN: the Macdonald brothers. It shows an idealised scene at Macdonald's, where a happy employee distribute IS SERVING sodas at TO happy children. The picture was ordered by Mcdonalds NEVER WRITTEN ANYWHERE ON THE DOCUMENT WE STUDIED, to help them become knowN and popular and attractIVE TO people. It’s a little ironic, because now it shows CAN BE SEEN AS like an advertisement against that American way of life, where people don’t look what they eat as long as the service is fast. ANALYSE SURPRENANTE, où êtes-vous aller pêcher cela?
So, the country where we live haS an influence on our way of life, but have it DOES IT HAVE AN INFLUENCE on our health?
In this second part, we are going to observe the diseases that a bad nutrition generates. In the interview of sir John Barnes about the worldwide problem of the obesity, we learn that in 2015, 2,3 billon adults where WERE overweigh. Around 80% of those suffering of obesity come from developing countries, such as China or America,
AMERICA IS NOT A DEVELOPING COUNTRIES
where the INhabitants have a trend TEND TO to eat more greasy food than others. We ALSO learn too that with a city life and relative economic stability, people change their dietS and exercise less than in WITH a rural life. They eat less rice, less vegetables and fish and have more meat, more processed food. Well, in the document of the first part with the familiesY diets, we hasVE observeD that the families with OVERWEIGHT people in overweight came from developed countries, NO NOT ONLY eat processed food are over consumers. ?
We conclude that a malnutrition haveS an impact on the obesity of people who come from developed countries. In DEVELOPING countries underdeveloped, people have limited access to food supplies, and had to work hard for the crop. But unfortunately, it’s sometimes not enough to feed a family. So we see people dying of starvations, and suffering of malnutrition. NON CONTRE SENS IL FAUT RELIRE OU réécouter des documents
We conclude that, yes, our environment haveS an impact on our health: first on our mind, when the country where we live influenceS our may of life, and then, on our health with the bad nutrition.
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English 23/12/18
11 /20
traitement du sujet : 2
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
Vous avez été un peu vite pour un premier devoir de ce genre, et vous devez vous rendre compte qu'au vu de la méthodologie fournie en amont, de la richesse des documents, de même que toute la correction nécessaire ici, il aurait été souhaitable de fournir un effort plus soutenu sur cet exercice. Vous devez progresser, en étant plus rigoureux et investi.
The notion we will be talking about is «Places and form of power», from this we can extract (???)
definition
The topic I have chosen to deal with is the phrase “we are what we eat” that AND IT can be examined and studied through factors such as politics, economy, sociology
and determined by a geographical area UTILISER ÉVENTUELLEMENT PLUS TARD DANS VOTRE DEVOIR. We will see that in order to be healthy you will need to have a good diet IDEM PEUT ÊTRE EN CONCLUSION MAIS PAS ICI : ce serait annoncer la fin avant d'avoir commencé .
We may wonder to what extent it is crucial to eat healthy food to be fit/ in good shape. Firstly VIRGULE i TOUJOURS EN MAJUSCULE will talk about what is a healthy diet and how people eat around the world with THANKS TO the A photo coverage of the Time ENTITLED
"Hungry planet: What the World Eats"
and with TO THE text extract of “The macdonald brothers” by Norman Rockwell. BY Eric Schlosser, EXTRACTED FROM "fast Food Nation"AND PUBLISHED IN 2001
RAPPEL : Norman Percevel Rockwell (February 3, 1894 – November 8, 1978) was an American author, painter and illustrator. His works have a broad popular appeal in the United States for their reflection of American culture. Rockwell is most famous for the cover illustrations of everyday life
(donné à lire, sur le blog en correction)
Secondly VIRGULE we will talk about what is being healthy with the same photo coverage.
In the first part VIRGULE we will talk about the photo coverage.
INTRODUCTION DE PARAGRAPHE PEU PERTINENTE
RAPPEL: 1e phrase d'un paragraphe= idée princimale qui sera développée. Ici, une répétition et pas d'idée.
In this document we see that in different geographical areaS VIRGULE there are differents ans ??? specific foods that can be bought with different amount of money. For instance VIRGULE in africa or in south america with little money like 20 to 40 dollars people can eat well for one week, compared to the United States they needs like 200 dollars. This is 10 times more. And this money is spend differently.
YOU MUST TAKE THE AVERAGE SALARY INTO ACCOUNT
IN A COUNTRY WHERE THE AVERAGE SALARY IS 300 € IF THE FOOD BUDGET IS 40 €, IT IS SOMEWHAT PROPORTIONAL. IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE COUNTRY POLICIES AND ITS ECONOMY.
In poor country VIRGULE they buy what they need to live and what they have near them, they also grew their foods which is very good, VAGUE they buy foods to keep living MAL DIT and so VIRGULE aren't much in obesity. In the USA VIRGULE they mostly buy processed foods, EAT IN fast foods, and CONSUME very unhealthy food which lead to incredinly high obesity rate and making obesity one of THE leading cause of death in this country.
IN WHICH DOCUMENT HAVE YOU FOUND THIS INFORMATION? YOU 'D BETTER PROVIDE YOUR SOURCE
In the second part VIRGULE we will talk about whats is being healthy. MAL DIT
We can say that being healthy is being fit but it is not all. You can be SEEMS TO BE in good shape but have other health problemS that make you unhealthy. And these problems can be developped due to bad diet, like diabeetus, high heart rate, high tension.
YOU CANNOT BE IN GOOD SHAPE WITH SUCH HEALTH ISSUES
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8/20
traitement du sujet : 2
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 2
richesse de la langue 3
En suivant les consignes, vous avez le potentiel de réussir cet exercice. Rappelez-vous qu'il faut consulter votre fiches d'erreurs personnelles en expression avant de de rédiger. Enfin, Veillez à relire votre travail
The development of urban life has affected human nutrition. The obesity is become a worldwide problem. All countries are affected. However, rich countries are more affected by obesity than poor countries. One may wonder why is it essential to eat healthy foods to be in shape ? In a first part, we will see an exemple of fast food and we will try to show that it dangerous four our health thanks to the document on MacDonald and on nuggets. In second part, we will talk about what generate to eat too often in fast food.
MacDonald is a well famous fast food in the United-Sates. However, their food is not good for the human being. The document shows that MacDonald is the first restaurant who work like a factory, in assembly line. For exemple, one person grilled the hamburger, another dressed and worked it ; another prepared the milk shake ; another made the French fries; and another worked at the counter.
Their products are frozen and contain a lot of bad stuff for the human being. Their food are processed food ( sauces, bread, French fries are processed food ). For exemple, to make the french fries pretty and preserve themselves for a long time producers add products dangerous to health
The meat we eat comes from animals that are malnourished and poorly treated. The document on nuggets proves it. The chicks are badly treated and do not reach their adult size until there are killed. They are fed with antibiotics so that they are in good shape and look pretty. However, when we eat it antibiotics are still present which is very dangerous. It is therefore very bad to eat too much in fast food. We can catch diseases and make us fat.
Morgan Spurlock challenged himself to eat every day and for every meal in a fast food during thirty days. It takes 11 kg in 30 days. He damaged his liver and raises his cholesterol by 0.65 grams per liter of blood. His liver became fat and did not work very well.
He was twice as likely to do a heart failure and to develop heart disease. He was depressed and exhausted. He was addict to the fast food menu, he had migraines when he did not eat them. Finding her optimal health took over a year.
This documentary want to shows the results when you eat too much fat and too processed food. It also shows that it is much longer to get fit than to gain weight. Eating too much fat is not just physical consequences even if they are the principal. You become addict to fast food and you are sick when you do not it their meal. Moral is affected, you don’t feel good in our body.
In conclusion, when you eat unhealthy food, you are tired so we do not sports. It’s important to eat healthy food to be in shape to feel good in his body and to be in good health. Sometimes, it is good to have fun by eating some pastries. You must not be strict.
One wonders how to get the message to teenagers not to eat too much fat?
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8 /20
traitement du sujet : 2
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 2
richesse de la langue 2
Superficiel
Travail très en-deçà des attendus
Revoir la méthodologie
Veillez à être beaucoup plus précis quand vos citez les documents et employez les idées trouvées dans les documents pour construire une réflexion
gonna = a way of saying or writing ‘going to’ in informal speech, when it refers to thefuture
Hello, I'm going to talk about the notion Places and Forms of Power, it means, building policy where a tape of regime is establish, with this topic : can we eat healthy food all the time? In the first part, we are gonna study if it's possible with the slideshow and internet, in the second part, we are gonna see why it is a good idea with the oral comprehension on obesity and the poster of Peta 2.
First, it's a possible! In the slideshow we see families eat only healthy food with a low budget, it depends of the countries and their rules about the production and the import. If in a country, the healthy food in a commodity, in other it is only some privileged who have access. So, for example, in France the budget to eat healthy food all the week is something like 300€ for two people.
Eat healthy food avoid obesity and overweight too. In the world, 1.6 billion adults are in overweight, it's too much. It became necessary to reduce our overconsumption of processed food and crappy food. We need to eat healthy food, not to do as others but for us! It's dangerous to stay in this way. We are not the only victims of processed food. The animals are not taken into account, they are mistreated, look at the chicks, they are killed for nuggets! We clearly need to stop it nowadays.
In conclusion, we can and we need to eat healthy food all the time. We have the means, it's better for us and the planet!
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13/20
traitement du sujet : 3.5
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3.5
Tu cherches clairement à réfléchir sur le sujet, en essayant de suivre les conseils méthodologiques, mais tu tâtonnes encore sur ce 1er devoir.
Avec les corrections détaillées et celles que tu peux consulter sur les autres devoirs publiés et corrigés de façon plus ou moins extensive, tu vas progresser très vite.
Il te faut absolument tenir compte de ta fiche d'erreurs (lingusitique, lexique, orthographe) afin de te poser les bonne question lors de la rédaction et en relecture pour les corrections finales
Vocabulaire bien mobilisé. Pense à te constituer une fiche des mots qui peuvent te servir pour chaque exercice de ce type (wonder, on the contrary, yet, provide, ...)
maîtriser parfaitement les comparatifs et les superlatifs est un "must"
English :
Place & Forms of Power :
WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE NOTION PLACES AND FORMS OF POWER
The Power is the ability to control or influence someone or something.
The Forms of power concerns many areas ; SUCH AS the religious, polities, press and advertizing, economicS, the medical, the food too...
=> THERE ARE MANY FORMS OF POWER : RELIGIONS, POLITICS, MEDIA, ECONOMY, MEDECINE, MILITARY, AND OTHERS BUT HERE WE HAVE CHOSEN TO FOCUS ON FOOD WHICH IS ONE OF OUR PRIMARY NEED.
The Places may be different, the influence can has been gived by The Parliement, The White House, a court or Universities.
=> THE PLACES WHERE POWER IS EXERTED CAN BE LOCATED VERY PRECISELY: THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PARLIAMENT, A COURT OF LAW, A UNIVERSITY ARE ALL PLACES OF POWER.
We will study how much SEE HOW our power FOOD supplIES HAVE A grip on our lives.
INDEED, IF WE ARE TO BELIEVE THE PROVERBIAL PHRASE « WE ARE WHAT WE EAT » CLAIMS, WE DEPEND ON FOOD
To do this, we may wonder to what extent it is crucial to eat healthly HEALTHY food to be fit shape.
In a first part, we’ll define what a healthy diet is. WE WILL USE ...
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
And in a second, we’ll explain what it means to be healthy.
WE WILL USE ...
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
IL FAUT CITER TES SOURCES QUAND TU AVANCES DES IDEES OU DES ARGUMENTS OU QUAND TU VEUX ILUSTRER: UN DOCUMENT PEUT TE SERVIR À INTRODUIRE UNE IDEE OU BIEN À LA PROUVER OU BIEN À L'ILLUSTRER. TON DOCUMENT SOURCE DOIT TOUJOURS APPARAÎTRE POUR ETAYER TON ARGUMENTATION OU TA RÉFLEXION
Eating Healthy FOOD is essential. Eating provides us with an energy source and to do this, it WE has to be careful ABOUT what you consume. Eating well means eating HAVING A balanced DIET.
To have a correct diet, it is necessary to vary the food WE EAT, and respected several categories that must be presented as in the dairy product, the fruits, the vegetables. Thus, they will bring vitamins, proteins… OUR DIET MUST BE DIVERSIFIED TO PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL
Food becomeS more than A need, a pleasure. The food, especially home-made FOOD is very tastY, it exceeds the « edible » level. It’s best BETTER for the health. The organic food is the A revolution, more and more people are starting to comsume it. Bye processED food !
HOW CAN ORGANIC FOOD BE A REVOLUTION? IT IS NATURAL...
PROCESSED AND READY MADE FOOD WITH TINS AND CANNED FOOD WERE THE REVOLUTION YOU ARE REFFERRING TO
We can ask ourselves the question, why does food belong in the notion « Place and Forms of Power ».
hors sujet dans cette partie, m^me si c'est intéressant tu dois suivre le fil conducteur annoncé
cette question fait partie de ta réflexion en amont, lors de l'élaboration de ta problématique
The diet is a clue ?? what do you mean? on the situation political, cultural, geographical and economic adjectifs avant le nom en anglais
on the others countries. For example, we studied a document that addressed the current inequality between these countries. Yet, even if the quantity may be poor REDUCED, some families in less developed countries have a healthier diet than developed countries. YES
The most industrialized countries are those that produce packaged food and so unhealthy food.
You have to be aware of how lucky you are to be able to eat but YOU also NEED TO BE be careful.
We also reviewed a document on McDonald, to go faster, IL FAUT EXPLIQUER
for the peasure of eating burgers…PAS SEULEMENT
but it’s dangerous. The fast food has limits.
Can eating have consequences on our health ? Of course !
McDonald, is a famous fast food but all these dishes are greasy, oily and tasteless. ON THE CONTRAY THEY ARE VERY SWEET
However, his food is addictive, the sugar attracts, the atmosphere, the praCtical side… EXPLAIN THE CONVENIENT SIDE
However,
3e occurence de ce lot de liaison. il te faut étudier les mots de liaison pour te fournir quelques outils
we have seen a worryingly document on obesity, wHich has become a major problem on the planet. There are many of them ! And the number is only increasing. CE COMMENTAIRE N'ÉCLAIRE PAS TA RéFLEXION SUR LE SUJET TRAITÉ (vague et convenu) The cause is the excesses, of sugar, fat food stuffs…
Itis dangerous for the health and causes serious after-effect, as in the kolesterol, depression or diabeties.
People are starting to criticize process food for TO preventing ant limiting the damage ON THE ENVIRONMENT AND ON PEOPLE'S HEALTH WORLDWIDE.
(Norman Rockwell…) ???????????????????????????????????????????????????
And this concerns especially the United State, and developping countries. On 1,6 billion obeses adult, 80 % are from developing countries. ACCORDING TO an article and slideshow published by the English Newspaper "The Time" on the Web annd entitled Hungry planet: What the World Eats,
This is a worrying issue in power management. YES
It is crucial to eat healthy, because it is about living, which far too many people take lightly and don’t realize.
In addition, what we eat reflects our financial, gegraphical situation and even pesonality.
OK MAIS CELA NE découle pas logiquement de tes deux parties au-dessus: ta conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir ta réflexion en fournissant la réponse à ta question de départ. Tes 2 parties devraient t'avoir permis d'arriver à des éléments de réponses qui n'étaient pas évident au départ, et cela grâce à des idées et une argumentation nourries par les documents utilisés
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I’m going to talk about the notion “Places and forms of power”. Places means a lot of area as the White House, Buckingham Palace, a school, and so on. Forms means lot of things too like the religion, politics or economy. And the power significate the control and influence of something or someone. Our topics is the phrase “You are what you eat.”. But, how does our food habits influence our life ? First, it is depending of where you live, we will see the food habits in several countries around the world. And then, our way of life can change our diet with the fast-food (Mcdonalds, for example).
First, let’s talk about the food habits around the world, with the document “Hungry planet : What the world eat.” by time.com. On this we can see the difference between a developed country and a in development country (USA vs Chad, for example). In the USA, a mid-class family spend $341,98 for a week and four persons, in contrary, a six people family spend $1,23 for a week in Chad. This is 300 times less than in the USA. In the american family, we can see on the table, a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
Let us now move on the second part, which is, as I said earlier, the way of life can change our diet. Everyone work, and must be faster than ever. The people are push every time, they are stress. This is why people don’t have anytime to cook, it generalize the fast-food (Subway, Mcdonalds, KFC)or the manufactured food. All of this are unhealthy, we don’t know all the ingredient. The malnutrition make the obesity progress in countries where the fast-food are developed, for example in the USA, two adults on five are suffering from the obesity. In Chad, a in development country, only one adult on twenty is suffering from obesity. This is because, it’s one of the poorest country in the world.
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:
14.5/20
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3.5
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
éviter de commencer des phrases par "but" et "and"
réfléchir à une formulation qui t'évite les répétitions:
In the american family, we can see on the table, we can see a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. YES There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
rappel : il y a aussi des outils très pratiques : les synonymes ou encore les reprises par pronoms
https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/food?s=t
depend ON
ponctuatuion ex : On this,...
vocabulaire de leçon à vérifier:
> a in developmentING country
> ON THE contrary, ....
midclass = peut-être plus informel que middle class
american ORTHOGRAPHE DE BASE
> The people are pushED every time / People are conditioned to do more and more things in a reduced amount of time
> every time : à chaque fois // all the time = tout le temps
> Il faut vérifier les mots avec le dictionnaire WORDREF, chercher des synonumes avec Thesaurus
> anytime = any time
penser à faciliter la lecture: mettre en exergue (alinéas ou retour à la ligne)
they are stressED / The people are pushED : passif = be + VBed
it is dependingS of ON where you live : c'est en train de dépendre de l'endroit où vous vivez?
it generalizeS
All of this are
malnutrition makeS
je parle de quelque chose de façon générale = ARTICLE ZERO = PAS D'ARTICLE
The malnutrition
The malnutrition makeS the obesity progress
VS
The Africa malnutrition Report = cela fait référence à un cas précis, une enquête (exemple p^ché sur internet avec une enquête de WHO)
the food are => the food est singulier / il faut réviser tes conjugaisons (simples en anglais)
Ta conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir ta réflexion en fournissant la réponse à ta question de départ de façon plus riche.
En gros, en lisant ta conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire ton développement pour avoir ma réponse: c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée. De plus tu dois parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit ta réflexion vers un autre angle
I’m going to talk about the notion “Places and forms of power”. Places means a lot of areaS as the White House, Buckingham Palace, a school, and so on. Forms means lotS of things too like the religion, politics or economy. ( ESSAIE DE MIEUX FORMULER)And the power significates the control and influence of something or someone. idem : pourquoi ne pas annoncer franchement ce que cela veut dire par exemple?
Our topics pourquoi pluriel? is the phrase “You are what you eat.”. But, how does our food habits influence our life ? First, it is dependingS of ON where you live, we will see the food habits in several countries around the world.
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
And then, our way of life can change our diet with the fast-food (Mcdonalds, for example).
ANNONCER LES DOCUMENTS UTILISÉS POUR NOURRIR TA RÉFLEXION
First, let’s talk about the food habits around the world, with the document “Hungry planet : What the world eat.” by time.com. On this we can see the difference between a developed country and a in developmentING country (USA vs Chad, for example). In the USA, a mid-class family OF FOUR PEOPLE spendS $341,98 for a week and four persons,
CE GENRE DE MALADRESSE PEUT ÊTRE ÉVITÉE PAR LA RELECTURE
in contrary, a six-people family spendS $1,23 for a week in Chad. This is 300 times less than in the USA.
This must be qualified (nuancé): indeed, in developed countries, the standards of living are higher just like the salaries and the prices (said in class)
In the american family, we can see on the table,= ON THE FOOD OF AN AMERICAN FAMILY, we can see a lot of manufactured foods, everything is bigger than in France, as the pizza. YES There is some food from fast-food (fries and soda). There is only some grapes and tomatoes as fruits, but a lot of meat. At the opposite, the Chad’s family has only vegetables or cereals, no meats and no manufactured food.
WHAT CONCLUSIONS DO YOU DRAW (KEEP YOUR QUESTION IN MIND)?
ta problématique: how does our food habits influence our life ?
quels éléments de réponses apportes-tu avec cette 1ère partie??
Let us now move on TO the second part, which is, as I said earlier, ABOUT the way of life THAT can change our diet.
Everyone work, and must be faster than ever. The people are pushED every time, they are stressED . This is why people don’t have any time to cook, it generalizeS / GENERATES the fast-food WAY OF LIVING WITH BRANDS SUCH AS "Subway", "Mcdonald's", "KFC" TO NAME A FEWor the CONSUMPTION OF manufactured food. All of this are IS unhealthy, we don’t know ANYTHING ABOUT all the ingredients THAT ARE USED TO PRODUCE THESE KINDS OF PRODUCTS . The malnutrition makeS the obesity progress in countries where the fast-foodS are developed/ ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY NUMEROUS, for example in the USA, two adults on five are suffering from the obesity.
DANS TON DOCUMENT " a hungry planet" IL EST DIT QUE LES USA ONT LE RECORD MONDIAL D'OBESITE POUR LES ENFANTS (avec le Mexique)
In Chad, a in development country, only one adult on OUT OF twenty is suffering from obesity. This is because, it’s one of the poorest country in the world. NO, it's because of the proliferation of sodas and sweets => importation / business to the detriment of the population
DANS TON DOCUMENT " a hungry planet" IL EST DIT QUE LES USA ONT LE RECORD MONDIAL D'OBESITE POUR LES ENFANTS (avec le Mexique)
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
Problématique et conclusion mises bout à bout:
How does our food habits influence our life ?
To conclude, we have seen that the food are different in each country, the specialities of the country make the difference. Our way of life, always faster can change our diet too.
ta conclusion doit venir résumer et élargir ta réflexion en fournissant la réponse à ta question de départ de façon plus riche.
en gros, en lisant ta conclusion, je n'ai pas besoin de lire ton développement pour avoir ma réponse: c'est le point de résumé et d'arrivée. De plus tu dois parvenir à élargir en ouvrant une perspective qui poursuit ta réflexion vers un autre angle
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:correction:
13/20
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 4
correction de la langue 2.5
richesse de la langue 2.5
We may wonder to what extent junk food is NOT ONLY bad for our health, but also for the environnement.
+++ tu as suivi la méthodologie pour ton introduction (que tu vas améliorer petit à petit par de meilleure formules et une meilleure mise en relation des éléments. C'est déjà l'ABC. Bravo!!
> dans tes parties ils faut parvenir à mieux utiliser les documents que tu évoques
UN DOCUMENT PEUT TE SERVIR À
en paraphrasant les infos au plus près, ou en citant!
TON DOCUMENT SOURCE DOIT TOUJOURS APPARAÎTRE POUR ETAYER TON ARGUMENTATION OU TA RÉFLEXION
Next, the document A worrying trend Obesity is a newS report from THE BBC. There are two people the interviewer and the interviewee. We learn that in 2005 there were 1,6 billion obese adults and by 2030, this number is set to increasse to 3,3 bilion overweiht people.
=
Next, IN the document A worrying trend Obesity, WHICH is a newS report from THE BBC, we learn that in 2005 there were 1,6 billion obese adults and, AND THAT number WAS set to increasse to 3,3 bilion overweiGHT people by 2030.
Obesity is already influenced by our way of life,
=
OUR WAY OF LIFE HAS A DIRECT IMPACT ON OUR BODY AND IN SOME CASES, IT LEADS TO OBESITY
je parle de quelque chose de façon générale = ARTICLE ZERO = PAS D'ARTICLE
The nature
The malnutrition makeS the obesity progress
11.5/20 traitement du sujet : 2.5 cohérence dans la construction du discours 3 correction de la langue 3 richesse de la langue 3 VOUS DEVEZ POUVOIR BEAUCOUP PROGRESSER EN ÉTUDIANT CETTE CORRECTION À RETENIR: Mal dit: les industries ne veulent pas nous faire devenir ce qu'ils veulent, ils veulent juste nous faire consommer pour produire des bénéfices: They just want to make money, whatever the consequences: they really don't care as far as money comes in because it they cared, they wouldn't sell the kind of unhealthy food they put on the market MAIS effort louable et nécessaire de vouloir relier le sujet à la la notion, et tu n'es pas loin! So, we may wonder to what extent “we are what we eat” is true.
First, we will see that what we eat changeS us AND WE WILL usE A BBC RADIO PROGRAMME ENTITLED "A Worrying Trend, Obesity" and A documentary ENTITLED "Supersize me". Then, IN A SECOND PART WE WILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND Tu n'as pas annoncé les documents utilisés pour ta 2nde partie... If we eat something, it will influence how we are. Indeed, if you eat fatty food, you will become fatty. We can see it in the documentary “Supersize me”. If we eat unhealthy food, we MieUX ÉCRIRE: éviter which/who/that, essayer les contraires, être le pjus concis et direct possible there ici= Most often, people from developing countries can't afford quality food, or are not educated enough to be aware of what the difference between processed food and organic food. je rajoute ce dernier point car tu sembles intéressé par le pouvoir conditionnant de la publicité et ici tu aurais pu facilement trouver un document de pub à citer With the influence of developed countries, they eat fastfood On the other hand, what we think can change how, and what we eat. MIEUX ÉCRIRE: éviter les phrases négatives sauf si c'est voulu (ce sera donc comme une forme d'insistance), cme ici si tu choisis de garder la forme négative. and don’t eat THE same WAY AS MOST PEOPLE. Vegans peoples don’t eat meat, and food which comeS from animals. Vikings USED TO utilisation maladroite/fautive des infos de ce document: en effet, cela faisait référence à l'origine historique We saw that “we are what we eat” is true, conclusion trop succincte: il te faudra reprendre la méthodologie sur ce point. -Elle doit répondre clairement à ton introduction. C'est le point d'aboutissement de votre réflexion pour répondre à ta question grâce à ton développement, en apportant un éclairage pertinent sur le problème évoqué. -Ce n'est pas une simple répétition, mais une synthèse. Comme dans la fin d'une histoire, c'est le point de chute et grâce à elle, on mesure le chemin parcouru -Élargir la discussion vers un nouvel aspect, une nouvelle idée.
Vegans peoples Vegan peopleHere, we are going talk about THE NOTION " Places and Forms of Power".
The Power is about the control the OR influence. There is ARE places where power is exerted. The forms, is how the power is exerted. It could be military power, political power, but also in publicities, with ITS influence. Great industries can influence us, to buy their products. In our themEatic "You are what you eat, it can mean that if we buy INDUSTRIAL products of these industries, we can become what they want. how our mind WHAT makeS us eat differently than others. WE WILL DO SO THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS: ?????????????????would WILL be sick.
In the Oral Comprehension IN THE bbc RADIO PROGRAMME “AWoRrYing trend”, we can see that a lot of peoples ?? are, or will become obeses, in developing countries. In these countries, which are developing, à formuler autrement there is are a lot of peoples, who haven’t DO NOT HAVE a lot of money, so they eat food which is not expansive EXPENSIVE.is are a lot of peoples, who haven’t DO NOT HAVE a lot of money, so they eat food which is not expansive EXPENSIVE.’s food PRODUCTS. The OTHER cultures, and the DIFFERENT opinionS can make us change what we eat. With the document POSTER“We are not nuggets”OUBLISHED BY PETA.COM to RAISE AWARENESS OF ANIMAL WELFARE, we can see that some people don’t think like others = THINK DIFFERENTLY ,drunk DRINK wolf’s blood like in the VIDEO oral comprehension “You are what you eat, and the Aztecs USED TO BELIEVE THAT IF THEY ate the brains of their enemies because they think that it will WOULD give them their knowledge. in one the hand, our food changeS us, and in the other hand, our mind can make us change our diet.
H.L 12/20
traitement du sujet : 4
cohérence dans la construction du discours 3
correction de la langue 2.5
richesse de la langue 2.5
+++ Tu as mis un point d'honneur à suivre la méthodologie offerte pour structurer ta réflexion. C'est un effort qui t'aidera beaucoup à bien réussir le jour de l'examen, car tu seras rapide et efficace!
De plus, cela permet de structurer ton discours et ainsi de t'aider à le rendre plus facile à suivre.
Étudie bien mes corrections pour comprendre ce qui te manque pour améliorer certains points (fluidité du discours, linguistique et lexique). Au besoin, apprends par coeur certaines formes.
J'ai surtout corrigé l'introduction.
-Principalement, ce qui pose problème c'est la clarté de ton expression: il y a beaucoup d'idées, de vocabulaire, mais c'est très confus et difficile à comprendre.
-Et deuxièmement, il te faudra apprendre à faire apparaître tes idées de façon mieux les organiser dans le développement. Cela se fera avec le temps (ton travail dans les autres matières, notamment le français et la philo te feront progresser)
CONSEIL : Je te conseille donc d'améliorer ton expression en faisant des tas d'exercices de grammaire et de traduction (français => anglais) de façon à t'aider à prendre des automatismes.
*En rouge, ce que j'ai corrigé et essayé de reformuler de façon plus appropiée
*Eviter les formes contractése à l'écrit s'il ne s'agit pas d'un dialogue.
*tu as oublié un point de leçon: "used to + BV"
before the Chinese ate a lot of food to cure diseases= the Chinese used to eat ....
*lol j'ai enfin compris ce que tu veux dire par "this that" !!!! en fait, il faut que tu utilises "what"
Essay
“You are what you eat.”
I’m going to talk about the notion “Places and Forms of Power”. The power is the control or the influence someone can use on people or on organisations. It is exerted in some places like countries, the White House… and it take different forms, such as politics, military, economic, and so on. “You are what you eat” is the subject that we have chosen to study here. It is a topic that is not only often broached in our society, even in schools, but it has also been a subject of keen interest since the dawn of humanity. Our topic is mainly about the food that is available in a county but it can also be about the power that food has on a person… So, this subject can be discussed from different perspectives. It is for that reason that we can ask ourselves the following question: Does the proverbial phrase "you are what you eat" reflect the society we live in?
In a first part, we will talk about the aspects that show it’s not a myth and I will use the McDonald painting of Norman Rockwell, the BBC radio programme A worrying trend and the documentary "You are What you Eat".
In a second part, I will try to demonstrate that the ideas suggested by the sentence "we are what we eat" are not always true and to do so, I will use: the "Dropping Litter" poster, the "We are not nuggets" poster published by peta2.com and the article and slideshow "Hungry planet: What the World Eats", published by the English Newspaper "The Time" on the Web.
Today, our society is very complicated, but it’s not new. Since always, societies and all those which have followed, based on the sentence “you are what you eat” even if it didn’t exist. This that we eat nowadays originate from our ancestor with their habits, or culture.
expression confuse, j'ai du mal à comprendre
For example, on the audio You are what you eat, the man sayS that before the Chinese ate a lot of food to cure diseases, or the Vikings who ate the brain of their enemies to become STRONGER.
They ate this that they wanted to be.
expression confuse, j'ai du mal à comprendre
Today it’s the same, you would like be thin, you take a balanced diet, unlike if you would like be fatter you take a junk food. Also, we always eat food like plants for TO cure.
The new technologies enable the evolution of our society. SO.ME EVOLUTION OR GOOD AND SOME ARE EVIL. For example, We don’t have a lot of time with the job, the school, so we must eat in a very short time. The life in generally speed up thanks to cars for example. In the 20 century it’s the creation of fast food but most precisely the group McDonald which is the actor major of this new chain. In this “restaurant” the food which is serve is the creepy food with a lot of oil, fat, salt, sugar… Not really good for the heath but like it’s a meal very fast we need this. The poster of Norman Rockwell illustrates the rise of McDonald in America, this revolution changed the way of life of the American and now of all the world. That appeared like by magic all the people is happy. So, we live fast, we eat fast. Another time you are what you eat.
If you look AT the people of A country, you see that their population put on weight because they follow the society and ITS evolution. A LOT OF PEOPLE eat more and more unhealthy food because of fast food and THEY become OVERWEIGHT . It’s a really big problem but it’s our world. With the BBC PROGRAMME “a worrying trend” we LEARN that the most affectED are the United States of America and Mexico especially on their new generation who are born in this society, they are the reflect of THEIR society and it’s really shocking.
FURTHERMORE, there are some people who are different FROM this very strange society. In a way, They decided NOT to follow the movement. They don’t agree with thIS KIND OF society and they want TO save IT by RAISing awareness OF fast foodS and the bad food THEY PROVIDE THERE. With the poster “We are not nuggets”, we understand that this encourageS PEOPLE to become vegetarian TO protect animals but also TO ADVERTIZE against THE McDonald CORPORATION which serveS a lot of nuggets in THEIR restaurantS and kill A HUHE NUMBER OF ANIMALS SUCH AS CHICKS AS A CONSEQUENCE. FOR THEM, If you become vegetarian you will CONTRIBUTE TO SAVE THE WORLD AND TO change the disastrous society. If we think that a chick is like a human AS IT IS SUGGESTED IN THIS POSTER, BECAUSE IT IS AN ANIMAL BUT just a different type OF ANIMAL, IT MEANS THAT if you eat it, you eat youRSELF, DON'T YOU?
Some people don’t have the choice and they are not what they eat. étrange ici
The population of poorer countries can’t be like that because they don’t have a lot of food so they are not awkward with the food in their plates. While emerging or developed countries are a lot. That is to say they are strict, for example “we don’t eat this because we are rich”. The poorer countries are not like that, for them the food that they eat, don’t reflect WHAT they are. We see this with the article and slideshow of the “Time”. A lot of countries are represented by a family who live in, with all the food in their house. In most caseS, on the one hand North countries are with a lot of food, most precisely junk food and they are fat, on the other hand South countries with just some vegetables, plants, meat. Which THIS explain that the poorer countries don’t follow
the society and they are very happy of live in South countries a long way from all this. expression confuse, j'ai du mal à comprendre
Finally, they IS another part of people who are not what they eat. à dire autrement car on ne comprends décidément pas ce que tu veux dire par là. Pense à expliquer tes idées toujours de façon très concrète
The ones who protect the world of people who don’t respect anything with rubbish, these one reflects our society they are pathetic. But not the defenders, they are lucid and see that the society is confining people so they organise a fight against this bad population. Thanks to the Dropping Litter / Behaviours poster, we see their fight against our society.
In conclusion we can say that “You are what you eat” reflect one part of our mysterious and strange society. That some people follow blindness the society and don’t see bad things which make around them, they are like control by her. Unlike the other who want to change the things, and independent of her. There are finally two society in one. One hide behind the other. I will finish on a sentence that I like so much of a French lawyer better known as an epicure and gastronome “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.”.
Brillat savarin... ? Et voilà bien une phrase dérivée de "you are what you eat", c'est pratiquement identique. Si tu cites cette petite variation de ton proverbe de départ, cela aurait été utile d'en tirer quelque chose, pas simplement le citer pour le citer, il faut l'exploiter après avec une petite phrase....
L.R English Essay
“You are what you eat.”
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Mark: 13.5/20 |
Comments: traitement du sujet : 4 cohérence dans la construction du discours 3 correction de la langue 3 richesse de la langue 3.5
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Remarque sur ta conclusion:
1. il faut synthétiser ce que tu as découvert avec ton travail réflexif et non pas énumérer les buts que tu avais (ce que tu as fait en intro). Il s'agit de répondre à ta question de départ posée dans l'introduction en enrichissant ta réponse puisqu'il s'agit de la synthèse de tes 2 parties (elles convergent vers la réponse à la question)
2. Effort noté pour élargir le débat, mais il faut être plus précis et l'orienter vers quelque chose de tangible: ici ta question est trop ouverte. Il faudrait trouver un domaine qui soit relié au sujet, et le nommé par exemple. Mais il y a plein d'autres façons d'élargir le débat bien sûr. Peut-être que lire d'autres conclusions te donnerait des idées. (Après, je n'en ai pas encore lu beaucoup de brillantes, c'est la partie la plus faible de vos rédactions à tous, donc i y a du travail sur la planche encore!)
TRAVAIL SUR LA LANGUE
*j'ai évité les répétitions: par ex: I will talk / I will focus
*pas d'article "the" quand je parle de quelque chose "en général" => in the History NO il s'agit de l'histoire en générale... = history
PONCTUATION
*pour éviter une phrase à rallonge où mon lecteur se perd, je mets un ";" si tout est très lié dans ce que j'exprime.
* for that, VIRGULE
PARLER DE TES DOCUMENTS
Plutôt que : "the audio file You are What you Eat "
dire : "a documentary video / an educational video entitled "You are what you eat" "
CONTENU
Je t'ai corrigé en détail ta 1e partie pour que tu constates que tu étais bien dans le sujet mais souvent de façon un peu maladroite. J'espère que cette correction te montrera qu'il faut être très précis et mieux connaître tes documents. (relis-les, et il faut les avoir sous la main si tu travailles à la maison afin de vérifier les infos pour être plus précis) Par ex, j'ai emprunté la 1e phrase ddu documentaire you are what you eat pour corriger ta phrase introductrice de 1e partie.
We are going to talk about the notion “Places and Form of Power. First, I WOULD LIKE TO DEFINE IT: Power is the control or the influence that someone of something can use on someone of something. Places REFERS TO VARIOUS areaS OR BUILINGS where the Power is exerted, for example the White House, the Elysee Palace or 10 Downing Street. POWER can HAVE different forms such as military, economy or Politics. According to these definitions, IN RETATION TO THIS NOTION, we HAVE CHOSEN TO studY the PROVERBIAL phrase “You are what you eat”.
We may wonder to what extent food habits and faiths influence societies in the history of humanity?
First, we will FOCUS ON the influence of the food habits and faiths in History; for that, we will use the audio file You are What you Eat and the document The MacDonald Brother, an extract from Fast Food Nation written in 2001 by Eric Schlosser.
In a second part, we will see the consequences of this influence. For that we will use the audio file A worrying trend an Obesity broadcast in the years 2000.
Throughout history, many societies were based on the sentence “You are what you eat”
très étrange comme idée ou mal formulée (= les sociétés sont basées sur la phrase vous êtes ce que vous mangez")
correction => Throughout history, the common phrase "you are what you eat" has been a core belief in many cultures.
and it’s the basis of the food habits even if this idea did not exist yet.
For example, in the audio “You are what you eat” the COMMENTATOR says that the Chinese USED TO EAT VERY SPECIAL food to cure their diseases, and the Vikings ate the blood of wolf and bear to be stronger. So, they ate WHAT they wanted to be.
In fact, that is not how it works, because physically it is impossible to be STRONGER with the blood of an animal, but it SHOWS THAT FROM AN EARLY AGE, PEOPLE WERE AWARE THAT FOOD WAS A KEY TO THEIR VITALITY AND HEALTH HENCE THE WELL-KNOWN SENTENCE “You are what you eat” which IS KIND OF UNIVERSAL FOR MAN and THUS WE UNDERSTAND THAT the beliefs about food HAS ALWAYS influenceD the societies.
Today, it’s is nearly the same, except there isn’t the idea to have the capacities of the animal we eat. We know that many people eat everyday in fast-food like McDonald for example. That is because every person followed the society and her evolution, I call it “the mass effect” or “the sheep effect”, because when someone do something the other person will do the same thing and it is comparable to sheep. And today many people are obese because of this “effect”. The document The MacDonald Brother tell us that the reason why the fast-food pleases is that it is very simple, fast and tasty so it’s perfect for the people that have not the time to cook or the people who didn’t want to cook.
It’s a big problem because more and more people become obese every year and we will see that in the second part of my essay.
So, let’s move on the second part. In the first part we saw how the food habits influence the society, now we will try to see what are the consequences of this influence. We know that many people are obese because of the fast-food like McDonald, Subway or KFC but let us see figures. In the audio file A worrying trend Rupert Clarks told us that in 2005 1.6 billion adults worldwide were overweight, and this figure looks set to increase to 2.3 billion by 2015, and 3.3 by 2030. And 80% of those suffering from obesity come from developing countries, where this issue was non-existent two generations ago. In my opinion, these figures are very important because it shows that the obesity come from the industrial development and therefore the expansion of fast-food in emerging countries.
This document told us that the obesity is the first causes of cancer in the world, because of the grease. So, the development lead to obesity and the obesity lead to many death and medical issues.
But we also LEARN that with city life and economic stability, people change their diet and exercise less than their parents who used to lead an active rural life. So, actually the people who live in the city eat less vegetables, beans and fish and have more meat, more processed food, and far too much fat and sugar. That’s why there are more and more obesity deaths in recent years.
To conclude, we saw that the food has an influence in the History with the old civilisations and their faith on the sentence “You are what you eat” and how their food habits influenced them. In the first part we also saw how our faith has an influence on the society.
In a second part we saw the consequences of this influence on the health, there are many others but this is the most important for me.
So, now we know that the food habits and the faiths influence our society, but are there other things which influence our society or our food habits?
Remarque sur ta conclusion:
1. il faut synthétiser ce que tu as découvert avec to travail réflexif et non pas énumérer les buts que tu avais (ce que tu as fait en ontro). Il s'agit de répondre à ta question de départ posée dans l'introduction en enrichissant ta réponse puisqu'il s'agit de la synthèse de tes 2 parties (elles convergent vers la réponse à la question)
2. Effort noté pour élargir le débat, mais il faut être plus précis et l'orienter vers quelque chose de tangible: ici ta question est trop ouverte. Il faudrait trouver un domaine qui soit relié au sujet, et le nommé par exemple. Mais il y a plein d'autres façons d'élargir le débat bien sûr. Peut-être que lire d'autres conclusions te donnerait des idées. (Après, je n'en ai pas encore lu beaucoup de brillantes, c'est la partie la plus faible de vos rédactions à tous, donc i y a du travail sur la planche encore!)
____________________________________________________
We are going to talk about the notion “Places and Form of Power. First, Power is the control or the influence that someone of something can use on someone of something. Secondly, Places means a lot of areaS where the Power is exerted, for example the White House, the Elysee Palace or 10 Downing Street. It can take different forms such as military, economy or Politics. According to these definitions, IN RETATION TO THIS NOTION, we HAVE CHOSEN TO studY the phrase “You are what you eat”. So, we may wonder to what extent how does the food habits and faiths influence the different societies in the history of humanity?
First, we will talk about the influence of the food habits and faiths in the History, for that we will use the audio file You are What you Eat and the document The MacDonald Brother, an extract from Fast Food Nation written in 2001 by Eric Schlosser.
In a second part, we will see the consequences of this influence. For that we will use the audio file A worrying trend an Obesity broadcast in the years 2000.
Throughout history, many societies were based on the sentence “You are what you eat” and it’s the basis of the food habits even if this idea did not exist yet.
For example, in the audio “You are what you eat” the caster says that before the Chinese ate a lot of food to cures their diseases, and the Vikings ate the blood of wolf and bear to be stronger. So, they ate that they wanted to be.
In fact, that is not how it works, because physically it is impossible to be more strength with the blood of an animal, but it reinforces the idea that the phrase “You are what you eat” and the beliefs about food influence the societies.
Today, it’s is nearly the same, except there isn’t the idea to have the capacities of the animal we eat. We know that many people eat everyday in fast-food like McDonald for example. That is because every person followed the society and her evolution, I call it “the mass effect” or “the sheep effect”, because when someone do something the other person will do the same thing and it is comparable to sheep. And today many people are obese because of this “effect”. The document The MacDonald Brother tell us that the reason why the fast-food pleases is that it is very simple, fast and tasty so it’s perfect for the people that have not the time to cook or the people who didn’t want to cook.
It’s a big problem because more and more people become obese every year and we will see that in the second part of my essay.
So, let’s move on the second part. In the first part we saw how the food habits influence the society, now we will try to see what are the consequences of this influence. We know that many people are obese because of the fast-food like McDonald, Subway or KFC but let us see figures. In the audio file A worrying trend Rupert Clarks told us that in 2005 1.6 billion adults worldwide were overweight, and this figure looks set to increase to 2.3 billion by 2015, and 3.3 by 2030. And 80% of those suffering from obesity come from developing countries, where this issue was non-existent two generations ago. In my opinion, these figures are very important because it shows that the obesity come from the industrial development and therefore the expansion of fast-food in emerging countries.
This document told us that the obesity is the first causes of cancer in the world, because of the grease. So, the development lead to obesity and the obesity lead to many death and medical issues.
But we also know that with city life and economic stability, people change their diet and exercise less than their parents who used to lead an active rural life. So, actually the people who live in the city eat less vegetables, beans and fish and have more meat, more processed food, and far too much fat and sugar. That’s why there are more and more obesity deaths in recent years.
To conclude, we saw that the food has an influence in the History with the old civilisations and their faith on the sentence “You are what you eat” and how their food habits influenced them. In the first part we also saw how our faith has an influence on the society.
In a second part we saw the consequences of this influence on the health, there are many others but this is the most important for me.
So, now we know that the food habits and the faiths influence our society, but are there other things which influence our society or our food habits?
C.S English: essay
9/20
traitement du sujet : 1
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 3
richesse de la langue 3
-l'introduction: annoncer les parties et les documents de façon appropriée : consulter d'autres devoirs corrigés en ligne , sur le blog
- Reprendre la definition vue en classe
-ne pas introduire les documents ainsi : In the oral comprehension "you are what you eat" (voir blog)
-la conclusion doit résoudre le problème de départ posé en introduction avec les deux axes de recherche (soutenus par les idées des documents étudiés annoncés aussi) annoncés
--a medium => plural = media
- avoid repetitions => vary the vocabulary:
> present> ? *when you can't find a synonym, rephrase your sentence
> The best is TO try to eat healthy for (!!!!!!!) try to feel healthy
-avoir l'habitude de : be used to + VBing
> Indian use to eat spicy food
_ In China peoples... people : les gens // peoples = les peuples
3,3bilions of obese person A PERSON > 2 PEOPLE
- mondialisation = globalization
-amercican
-3,3bilions of obese person
-we can explain it trought their drinks (through) + mot inapproprié ici *IL AURAIT FALLU FORMULER AUTREMENT ICI
- fatenning = 2 ERRORS
- ensencial
- plesure
- evry thing
- every countries > every + singular
since + date/point de départ
for +durée
during + période donnée
-analyser la phrase :après since ou for souvent present perfect
-REVOIR le cas possessif
-pronom de reprise
each country haS his
what families eat during one week in fuNction of his country
-differents population / vegans persons >>>> ADJECTIFS INVARIABLES
_3,3 bilions of obese person
_ revoir who /which Mexico is the second country who ...
_ AS + proposition (S+VB+C) // like + NOM
some clans didn't ate onions
each country have
its bring us
everybody need
So,
To prove it,
Indeed,
besides,
We are going to talk about the notion Place and form of power. The power representS the autority that someone or a group of ¢ HAVE on other PEOPLE. There are differents forms of power.
To deal with this notion, I have chosen to study the well-known proverbial phrase "you are what you eat". A lot of medias from many countries and restaurants present their diet like a good one. So, we may wonder if there is a perfect diet.
1. quelles sont tes parties?
2. quels sont les documents que tu vas utiliser?
Since a very long time, peoples try to find the best diet for them. In the oral comprehension "you are what you eat" we learn that in the time of nordic Vikings, they ate bear's and wolf's blood before their attacks in order to have the same abilities than AS them. Ancient aztecs ate brains of their rivals because they believe it WAS going to give their knowledge's and widsoM's OF THEIR enemies. We have an other > ANOTHER exAmple about India's population: they USED TO believe food with strong smell will WOULD lead to agressivve and offensive behaviours So, some clans didn't ate onions.
THAT is about the past, ok what about nowadays?
We can note that many countries had their own way of life.
Even today, each country haS ITS own way of life. To prove it, we can focus us on a comparative investigation published on the web by The Time, an English newspaper. It is entitled "Hungry Planet, What the World Eats". On this document we can see what families FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD eat during IN one week in fuNction of his A country. Indeed, we notice that amercican people have a tendency to eat junk food and drink sodas. Mexican people eat a great quantity of fruits because they have many plantations but also they eat frizzy drinks. Indian use to eat spicy food, in China peoples eat specialities. To conclude, each country have his food's culture, however thanks to mondialisation, we can find almost each food's culture in all contries by way of restaurants or fast food.
Some physical difference can be observed between differents population, so it's because of THEIR diet. We CAN see by means of oral comprehension A worrying trend-obesity that 3,3bilions of obese person live in america, besides, we know american peoples eat principally junk food. Mexico is the second country WHICH is suffering from obesity, we can explain it trought with the huge amount of sodas they drink, it's fatTening beverage. In an othe sideHOWEVER, some peoples try to became vegan, in order to save animals life like AS (we saw in the document INAPPROPRIÉ, dire = ) ADVERTISED "We are not a nuggets". Some other people are vegetarian in part for the same reason as vegans persons. It's a good resolution but we need meat and eggs to live because its bring us proteins, ensencial for a good health. Yet, ON THE ONE HAND, if you don't eat any meat, you WILL miss proteins; ON THE OTHER HAND, if you eat meat, you kill animals. In those two point, it's bad for something. => there is something called "balance", you could take advantage of this point to argue that people should be sensible enough to balance their diet, which would provide the solution together with the regullation of birth rate on earth and the use of organic proteins
Added to this the plesure, everybody need to slip up (??) because treat youself is a good thing= ??
slip
To conclude, never mind what we eat or how we eat, all the time something wiil be bad. Diversify his diet is important, but we shouldn't learn evry thing from every countries. The best is TO try to eat healthy for (!!!!!!!) try to feel healthy. The perfect doesn't exist.
as-tu répondu à ta question de départ? PAS VRAIMENT ...
lou triscos
11/20
traitement du sujet : 1
cohérence dans la construction du discours 2
correction de la langue 4
richesse de la langue 4
Il y a toujours cette aisance en langue, c'est bien et tu peux encore progresser en corrigeant systématiquement et avec rigueur (pour ne pas répéter les erreurs à chaque fois), et pense à utiliser ta fiche errors/horrors perso en amont et en aval en relecture. Cela te permettra de passer un cap.
Ici, il t'a manqué la métholologie de l'exercice (annonce de docs, et surtout la problématqiue de départ...)
Tu parviendras à rectifier cela si tu prends bien en compte les conseils et consignes, sans aucun doute!
*what are the factors which influence our food habits?
= tu ne poses pas vraiment un problème? Ce n'est pas une problématique car tu vas être amenée à énumérer une liste au lieu de discuter pour résoudre un problème posée. Vois-tu la nuance? Ce sera moins intéressant car on se doute déjà de la réponse: une liste, donc pas à réfléchir.
*Trouver une bonne problématique est la 1ere étape, raison pour laquelle j'avais beaucoup insisté et je vous avais demander d'y réfléchir et d'en discuter en classe pour voir si vos problématiques étaient valides. Vous pouviez les envoyer pour validation aussi. Je vous ai fourni une fiche pour vous aider dans votre démarche quant à la recherche de problématique. L'as-tu utilisée?
*Bien suivre la métHodologie est indispensable. Par exemple, tu dois annoncer tes documents (exemples fournis sur pronote et blog)
* Du coup ici, tu es trop partie sur les médias, et tu t'es assez éloignée de ton sujet "you are what you eat"
-l'introduction: annoncer les documents AVEC CHAQUE partie et de façon appropriée : consulter d'autres devoirs corrigés en ligne , sur le blog
-La conclusion:
Ce que l'on peut dire de la conclusion pour la réussir:
*il faut synthétiser ce que tu as découvert avec ton travail réflexif et non pas énumérer les buts que tu avais (ce que tu as fait en intro). Il s'agit de répondre à ta question de départ posée dans l'introduction en enrichissant ta réponse puisqu'il s'agit de la synthèse de tes 2 parties (elles convergent vers la réponse à la question)
*Elle doit répondre clairement à l' introduction. C'est le point d'aboutissement de la réflexion pour répondre à la question grâce au développement, en apportant un éclairage pertinent sur le problème évoqué.
-Ce n'est pas une simple répétition, mais une synthèse du développement. Comme dans la fin d'une histoire, c'est le point de chute et grâce à elle, on mesure le chemin parcouru
-Élargir la discussion vers un nouvel aspect, une nouvelle idée.
*MOT A SINGULIER : article ! => A big influence
*WHO Vs WHICH/ THAT
we are surrounded by ads who ... aïe
*differents diet >>>> ADJECTIFS INVARIABLES
*AS + adj + AS = autant .... que
=> FROM crappy food TO vegan dietS (de ...à)
-quiet = tranquille // quite = assez
-
-few = peu et a few = quelque (en anglais ils sont opposés)
* LISTE DE MOTS INCOMPTABLES à connaître impérativement = toujours au singulier
-to give some advices to change that => ADVICE => some pieces of advice
_ evocated = EVOKED
- infant = a baby or very young child (ex: a nursery for infants under two)
infant obesity > child obesity
*ENRICHIR
-bad => detrimental (rappel: utilise "THESAURUS" en ligne et constitue des fiches de synonymes qui te serviront tout le temps, jusqu'à ce que le vocabuliare soit bien actif pour toi)
- The most (important = ) SIGNIFICANT example is MacDonald which is, today, the most (important = )INFLUENTIAL fast food restaurant chain.
structure : want somebody to do sthg
Media and governments want to make us aware of the danger
peut-être plus idiomatique de dire = Media and governments want US to become aware of the danger
The food take an important place (such as?) in the world. It can be considered as a form of power (why?), so that’s why our topic, “We are what we eat”, is included in the notion “Places and forms of power”. Let’s define it : the power is having control on something or someone. It can take several forms like political, military, intellectual, social etc. and it can be exercised in different places or by different institutions (not only). So, everybody has food habits because of our special diet , our preferences or our allergies but more than that, we are influenced by something else on our way of choosing what we eat. Indeed, since the dawn of time, people are WRONG CONJUGATION (lien passé pésent)careful about what they eat. For instance, the Aztecs used to eat the brain of their enemies to improve their wisdom and their physical and intellectual abilities in the same ways as the Nordic Vikings who drank wolf blood or bear blood before a fighting to defend themselves better from foes. We can see that there are TEMPS many ideas influencing their food habits in their times. In our actual FAUX AMI society, we will search what are the factors which influence our food habits QUESTION INDIRECTE. In a first time PART, we will show the importance of the media and maybe the government and, in a second time, we will explain the impact of the country where we live and its culture.
We all know that the media have A big influence on our daily life including OUR food habits; indeed, we are surrounded by ads who advocate differents dietS, FROM crappy food TO vegan dietS. As for the government, FOR THE MINISTER IT SEEMS THAT IF PEOPLE CONSUME some products, IT WILL BE beneficIAL for the economy ALTHOUGH WE MAY THINK THAT IT IS DETRIMENTAL for the environment and inversely.
The most (important = ) SIGNIFICANT example is MacDonald which is, today, the most (important = )INFLUENTIAL fast food restaurant chain. Founded in 1952, this company has a worldwide influence but mostly in America WHERE IT STARTED IN THE EARLY 40'S AS AN ILLUSTRATION OF NORMAN ROCKWELL TESTIFIES OF THIS EVOLUTION. BESIDES, there are ads of MacDonald THAT datE back TO the 60’s. It clearly shows that junk food is promoted by THE media in our society
CLÉ = pense à être plus précise: tu parlais des américains et tout à coup, tu sautes à "notre société": cela déroute ton lecteur car c'est incohérent.
; we are encouraged to eat unhealthy and ready meals. IDEM
On the contrary YET, there are also lots of campaigns to encourage the populations PEOPLE to consume more healthy, local, organic and veggie products.
Remarque : tu vois, il s'agit là de contre-pouvoirs, une idée que l'on avait évoqué en cherchant à définir la notion "lieux et formes de pouvoirs"
Media and governments want to make us aware of the danger of the daily consumption of crappy food by conferences, graphics or SURVEY THAT CAN FORSEE THE FUTURE TENDENCIES. For instance, the radio programme of Rupert Clarke received as a guest sir Julian Barnes who is chairman of the World Health Organization, to alert us about the GLOBAL obesity tendEncY and to give some advices to change that. Thanks TO all these really examples, we can better understand the place ROLE of the medias in our lives, even if we don’t certainly REALLY realize THE EXTENT OF it .
For another side FURTHERMORE, we are also influenced by the culture of the country where we live because our geographic situation takeS an important WHAT? in our lives. Indeed, our nationality can define our identity and more globally, our way of life: it IS characterised by traditions, beliefs, the presence or not of some products and by, of course as we have evocated in the first paragraph, the influence of the politics and media in the country. Take the example of the USA. In this very big country, junk food is at the center of their lives. Indeed, we can count about 260.000 fast food restaurants in all the USA. It’s huge and it has big consequences on the citizens. One third of teenagers eat in a fast food restaurant each day and of course, the USA is, by far, the first country suffering from the CHILD obesity. If we rely on their diary diet, we can see it’s mostly composed OF crappy food and not much healthy food like vegetables or fruits. So, we can say that because they live in USA, american people have very bad food habits, mostly THEY COSUME TOO MUCH PROCESSED food. If we consider the case of Asian countries, we can see that there are very different cultureS and CONSEQUENTLY, different food habits for the population. For instance, in India, they have a quiet healthy diet, they mostly eat their local products like rice and lots of vegetables but, according to their beliefs, they don’t eat garlic because it could make them more aggressive. NO, THIS WAS ABOUT THE OLD BELIEFS A LONG TIME BACK (listen to the video again?)
In China, even if it’s forbidden since A few years, some very rich men used to eat penis of tigers because it could cause better erection and increase their libidos.
IDEM
There are lots of other different cultures from different countries in the world to illustrate this idea but to conclude this second part, thanks to all the exampleS, we can confirm that our food habits depend ON our geographic situation and we can clearly notice big differences between all the continents because cultures are not the same at all AND so just as theIR way of life ARE DIFFERENT AS WELL.
To conclude, we can say that there are many factors influencing our food habits. The most important are the media and the culture of the country where we live. There are also factors who appear in the course of time, like for instance the historic context or the new technologies so, our food habits are constantly influenced by something.
Répétition des infos de l'intro semblerait-il. Également, l'évocation des nouvelles technologies surprend un peu là.
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